Car3

 

Car

 

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ice cream dream

oh geezzzz. who am i? i certainly love to be mellow dramatic, don't i? well i tell you what... i might just try and stop that. some day. but as for today... today i have successfully eaten over a pint of ice cream in the form of some cookies & cream haagen-dazs and one of those skinny cow ice cream sandwiches, which will only make me a fat cow, but if skinny cows taste like heaven on my throbbing taste buds, then i will be a fat cow because i don't give a fuck. phil went to the store and bought the little Bessie cookie pies and some strawberries and i don't know what else he put on there, but holy shit...!... delicious! my mouth did the tango with that tasty treat!

my roommates have been overtly caring and sharing, which is not something i'm accustomed to doing myself, for anyone. ummm.... i think i let them eat something of mine in the last few weeks, but nothing to the extent in which they share with me. for example, princess kitten and Tommy boy made enchiladas last night while i was at scuba practice. i got home at 10 o'clock with my 35 dollar sack of shit... i.e. some over priced frozen food and beer in cans that probably coast more then beer in bottles but i couldn't carry all of that extra weight in the form of glass bottles. you might be thinking to yourself... "why are you spending so much money on frozen food and beer?" (and yes, i understand that you probably were not asking yourself this question) and the answer is, well, i didn't have a phone. if i had had a phone, i would have never been stuck at the Belmont zupans at 9:30 at night wandering around, waiting for the next bus to come some 25 minutes later. here's the things... i got out of scuba practice at some odd time in the night and i decided that i would be undecided. so i sat on the floor of the old cement rec center, plugged my phone in, and made some phones calls. now i understand that i said that i didn't have a phone, but you see, my phone only works when its plugged into an outlet. so i sat there, called some people (ing and al) and texted some people (ing and al) and to no avail. so i gathered my belongings and walked down to the bus stop. but i really wanted to meet up with someone because i was famished. famished for friends and for food. so i took a long route to the stop because, for one, i had no idea when it was coming, and for two, i thought that i could find an outlet to make a few more phone calls. this never happened... this "finding of an outlet." rather, it did actually happen, but it didn't work. i walked about an old parking garage and tried every outlet i could find, only to be disappointed. so i decided to wait for the next bus and just get on with my life, after all, who needs friends or food (besides me and most everyone else in the world)?

luckily the bus came in about 5 minutes and after we crossed the river and entered the upper 30 blocks of Belmont, i decided that the only logical thing to do was to get off the bus. i was hungry, and hunger can drive a sane person to do things that are relatively sane, but maybe just not relatively relevant or realistically relative. i thought that i would just go to a bar and get some cheap mac and cheese while i read my book. however, as most of you adults out there would know, bars don't actually cater to individuals who want to sit and quietly read their books in proper book reading light. so i walked around for about 10 minutes, looking for an outlet to plug my phone into, and i decided that getting off the bus was the biggest mistake i had made all day, which, is pretty good considering my track record for bad decisions made on a daily basis. luckily (i guess), there was a zupans on the corner. zupans is french for "hungry wallet" because when you leave, your still hungry, and your wallet is even more so. anyways, so i was walking about this market, like a bum, or maybe more like a desperate lonely 20 something, trying to find an outlet to plug my goddamn phone into so either A) i could call someone who actually might pick up their phone and be in this particular neighborhood, or, B) i could figure out how much longer i would have to wait before i could get onto another bus to get back home. finally, after unsuccessfully trying to move a large metal rack stocked with "organic" cleaning supplies, i smartened up and moseyed on over to the closed coffee/cafe portion of "hungry wallet" and found a most conveniently placed outlet that would assess me in determining the next moments of my future. this future was 25 more minutes of hanging out, waiting for a bus. so i bought 35 dollars worth of frozen food because i just couldn't make up my mind about what i wanted to eat. which, to my dismay, is a lot like every thing i do in my life... what a metaphor! "Kristine... she gets cold trying to make decisions, so she doesn't, she just goes for it all, only to find that none of it is really all that satisfying and so she wastes all of her money on an easy fix only to be left questioning why she was even drooling over these options in the first place!"

so back to the initial point... my roommates. princess kitten and Tommy boy were very much in bed when i got home at 10 something with my assortment of frozen goods. i laid them out on the counter... ice cream, pizza, lasagna, burrito, enchilada dinner, and beer. i chose enchilada dinner. ohhhh the irony! while my personal cook, monsieur microwave, slaved away for 4 minutes cooking my dinner, i put away my dinners for the next week, changed my cloths, and then... only then did i open the refrigerator to find that there was an entire casserole of homemade enchiladas, one of which was intended for my own consumption. but how could i insult monsieur microwave after he put his blood, sweat and tears into my scrumptious, three course (or rather three item) enchilada dinner?

what are you gonna do? eat. i guess. and so i ate. and then i ate half a pint of ice cream while i watched tosh.0 and thought about how skinny he is and how hot he is and how he is basically the epitome of the skinny cow ice cream sandwiches i was later to consume the following evening. he should be the spoke person for that shit.

a one horned horse will never do it.

ohhhhh nooo. for my sake... are you serious? no.

 i'm not. i'm fucking cold, if anything. and i mean that in sooo many ways. i'm a cold hearted snatch. who cares? i do. and i don't. urgh.

 so i was made to think about, and to talk about, my family. one thing i realized... i love my family. i would stuff the minds of "infidels" with poop and rocks and what the fuck ever... just to make sure my family was going to "make it".

dear ken,
i'm sorry that shit sucks. it will never get better. i know. i know from experience. so stop your fucking preaching. everyone will die. everyone is fucked up. if you are normal, you might like burritos. but i understand if you don't. some "things" (people or whatever) they just don't like beans and rice and numerous fruits that are misnamed "vegetables" in a mixed dish... some don't appreciate the taste tornado that is yum time.
spay and neuter yourself... after all, we are all animals. oh ya... and....

there is someone in my life who told me to " pass the stoke on"

thanks.

sometimes... the things that you say and the knowleged that you can pass on to others... timeless.

sweet, sweet, sour heart.

dear sucra,

i fucking NEED you! i want  you, i need you, i take needles and pull the blood out of my veins just to see you! sucra. please be mine... for all time. what if you never had to deal with the goblins, sucra?! you might just walk free. we just might have the time to see the white. see the dark. see that night. sucra!!!!!!!!!!! do you see what i see? sucra.

stop eating doughnuts.

this is just about nothing at all... i just don't want to go to bed because i will only have to wake up to do it all over again.

hello foggy portland night. even though you make my shoulders feel extremely uptight, i must admit, you make my mind feel so right. i want to whiz around in your milky lamp lit sky and let you suffocate me with your dense mixture of smog and suspended in thin air ice crystals. i want to stay up all night and dance in the dew. i want you to make me wet and feel new. but alas, i lie in my bed, thinking about all the sleep i'm missing out on. lets face it, life for me is only getting better. i mean, not to sound like a fucking total ass hole, but it really is. and honestly, i have to make it that way. considering all the shit i have put myself though in the last 6 months, i can't really imagine that things should or would get any worse than they already have been. but i still want to walk in the brisk air, some 40, 50, or 60 blocks without a care. i want to do nothing all the time. i want to throw it all away. i want to stay up all night till tomorrow's day.

is this what poetry is? nah. i don't think so. this is more like self induced insomnia.

i don't know who i think i am right now. i just wish i could post all the things that i have been writing, and storing away, but i feel extremely critical of what i have to say. i started to think that maybe i should have never made this blog, at least under my own name. maybe i should have said that it was a relative of mine (a made up one) and i was so proud of the fact that this mental case could actually articulate a thought and so i wanted to share it with everyone i knew.
"oh ya, my great step aunt once removed decided that she would teach herself how to read and write... this is what she did with it. enjoy."

i want more hours in the day. i don't seem to get enough done, ever. what if we had days that were 48 hours... i might actually accomplish something.