Depressed again...

Fucking a. Here we go again. In bed. Tears drying on my face. Cat by my side. Liquor on my breath. I.fucking.hate.men.

I hate them because I think like them but I'm not one. I act like one, but I'm not one. I want to get down and fuck and be weird and whatever, but I don't want to fucking talk about it. As soon as anything is discussed, I lose it. And I become the little lame girl that I am.

Why must we talk about things. Why must we talk about sex, or feelings, or anything. I just don't really need to do that all that often.

So last night Hanna and I took a small amount of mushrooms. Things were good, things were great. A bunch of biches hanging out, being girls. And then I invited him over. I like him. I like him in a weird way. I was actually trying to be respectful and not super out there. And I am talking about the course of a few weeks. I really wanted to be nice.

I thought I was. But apparently not.

I thought that I wasn't depressed anymore. I really thought I got over that.
 But apparently not.

Gipper xoxo

I'm so literally hot as shit right now. Inside this house, it must be 90degrees. I miss the water. I'm turning into a lizard. My skin. It's dieing. Like leaves in the fall, my skin is changing color and it's not the whole "I'm losing my tan" thing. It's more like, "hum, I think I am allergic to my life..." kind of thing. 

Gripper is in full flocked force right meow. 

Wild but tame

I'm acting like I have money. I'm wearing a robe. Is that even how you spell it? And I'm eating strawberries like its my business. Like a business that I own, that of which makes money. I'm lying in bed and it's noon. I'm pretty sure I have no idea how to spell and I constantly think that I smell weird. Maybe if I had more confidence in myself I might just realize that smelling funny is fine. People all over this ball smell fucking weird and they still get laid. Sometimes I can smell myself and it's like, whatever. But sometimes I smell myself and I get worried about it. I need to floss more. And then there is this whole theory about pubic hair. Pubic hair is there for a reason and that reason involves fucking. But people don't just fuck, they fuck because they like the sent of someone. And pubs hold that sent. Their like little pheromone traps. 

Hair hair everywhere

And then there was this conversation, which I find very entertaining and worth the long read. 

Love in the woods has many perils.

Ladies and gents, clear cutting is wack, just tame that jungle. Wild but tame. 

Why edit when life just says "fuck you" ...?

Oh god. How did I lose this... I guess I'm back, though. It's been a while, so I guess I should re-cap. 

I spent the year trying really hard to become a full blown bum and I think I succeeded. 

Yes. I did. 

I got fat. Which would imply that I have money. But that is not the case. I also got tan. Real good. Which would imply that I have money. Nope. I don't. Hence the bum thing...

Why am I back? Should I stay back? Who knows. 

However. I spent the weekend with people I haven't seen in years, and trust me, no time vampire could have touched us. Nothing was different. I fucking love these people and all the normal shit they do.  Like getting married. Such a god damn beautiful wedding. Marg and Chris, I wish you the best. No time vampires would/could touch you either. 

I'm making this into a dedication to love and all that shit and that's not what I want to do. I think I want to just touch basis on being a god damn bum. But then again, my stupid/über-not-stupid brother is getting married. And maybe love is in my head. Because it kind of always is... 

It's just been to fucking long. I can't do this right. I have to much to say and no direction. I'm doing this, however, so I should get a few things out there....

I do really love my ridiculously amazing friends. 

I do really love my ridiculously boring life, that of which is actually not so much all that boring. 

I do really love my family that I seem to never talk to. 

I am happy for my friends. They get shit done and I wish they could instill that kind of motivation into my life.

And, I god damn love my cat. He will always be better than anything, even bacon ice cream with chocolate. 

Okay. Now that all of that is off my chest...  I'm just going to put this out there because it's so mother trucking distracting... this page is trying to do weird Internet shit and every 30seconds it's trying to upload or whatthefuckever and everything gets blurry. 1st world problems. Fuck. I need to stop with this shit.