Hook this

 It's truly amazing how much iPhones do not work the way they are supposed to. If I wanted to spend a shit ton of money  on something that dosen't work, I would have payed for a hoker. 

not now

i just realized that.... i haven't been awake in a while. and why would i want to be? no one has anything to say... rather, no one wants to say anything that i want to hear. so. so once upon a time i met this woman. she knew what she wanted but then she saw a star shoot threw the sky and she saw something more. she saw a future that she wasn't ready for.

Meow... Welcome home

Old is as what old does

It's a new day. And there are always new problems.

But why dwell?

But why not dwell?

It's been almost two years since I actually cared about writing. But. But writing is all I want to do. Besides sailing, and painting, and pretending that I'm sick. Picture me. Sick in bed. Becuase that's how I have everyone else pictures me. I do think I am sick. But I have been 'sick' since I was born, whenever anything important happens.... Kristine is sick and she can't talk. So take a message.

Sick of being this 1st world problem. Sick of being my own problem.
Tired of chasing boys. Tired of losing sleep.

Nothing feels the same as it did. This is not growing up. This is growing old.

Depressed again...

Fucking a. Here we go again. In bed. Tears drying on my face. Cat by my side. Liquor on my breath. I.fucking.hate.men.

I hate them because I think like them but I'm not one. I act like one, but I'm not one. I want to get down and fuck and be weird and whatever, but I don't want to fucking talk about it. As soon as anything is discussed, I lose it. And I become the little lame girl that I am.

Why must we talk about things. Why must we talk about sex, or feelings, or anything. I just don't really need to do that all that often.

So last night Hanna and I took a small amount of mushrooms. Things were good, things were great. A bunch of biches hanging out, being girls. And then I invited him over. I like him. I like him in a weird way. I was actually trying to be respectful and not super out there. And I am talking about the course of a few weeks. I really wanted to be nice.

I thought I was. But apparently not.

I thought that I wasn't depressed anymore. I really thought I got over that.
 But apparently not.

Gipper xoxo

I'm so literally hot as shit right now. Inside this house, it must be 90degrees. I miss the water. I'm turning into a lizard. My skin. It's dieing. Like leaves in the fall, my skin is changing color and it's not the whole "I'm losing my tan" thing. It's more like, "hum, I think I am allergic to my life..." kind of thing. 

Gripper is in full flocked force right meow. 

Wild but tame

I'm acting like I have money. I'm wearing a robe. Is that even how you spell it? And I'm eating strawberries like its my business. Like a business that I own, that of which makes money. I'm lying in bed and it's noon. I'm pretty sure I have no idea how to spell and I constantly think that I smell weird. Maybe if I had more confidence in myself I might just realize that smelling funny is fine. People all over this ball smell fucking weird and they still get laid. Sometimes I can smell myself and it's like, whatever. But sometimes I smell myself and I get worried about it. I need to floss more. And then there is this whole theory about pubic hair. Pubic hair is there for a reason and that reason involves fucking. But people don't just fuck, they fuck because they like the sent of someone. And pubs hold that sent. Their like little pheromone traps. 

Hair hair everywhere

And then there was this conversation, which I find very entertaining and worth the long read. 

Love in the woods has many perils.

Ladies and gents, clear cutting is wack, just tame that jungle. Wild but tame. 

Why edit when life just says "fuck you" ...?

Oh god. How did I lose this... I guess I'm back, though. It's been a while, so I guess I should re-cap. 

I spent the year trying really hard to become a full blown bum and I think I succeeded. 

Yes. I did. 

I got fat. Which would imply that I have money. But that is not the case. I also got tan. Real good. Which would imply that I have money. Nope. I don't. Hence the bum thing...

Why am I back? Should I stay back? Who knows. 

However. I spent the weekend with people I haven't seen in years, and trust me, no time vampire could have touched us. Nothing was different. I fucking love these people and all the normal shit they do.  Like getting married. Such a god damn beautiful wedding. Marg and Chris, I wish you the best. No time vampires would/could touch you either. 

I'm making this into a dedication to love and all that shit and that's not what I want to do. I think I want to just touch basis on being a god damn bum. But then again, my stupid/über-not-stupid brother is getting married. And maybe love is in my head. Because it kind of always is... 

It's just been to fucking long. I can't do this right. I have to much to say and no direction. I'm doing this, however, so I should get a few things out there....

I do really love my ridiculously amazing friends. 

I do really love my ridiculously boring life, that of which is actually not so much all that boring. 

I do really love my family that I seem to never talk to. 

I am happy for my friends. They get shit done and I wish they could instill that kind of motivation into my life.

And, I god damn love my cat. He will always be better than anything, even bacon ice cream with chocolate. 

Okay. Now that all of that is off my chest...  I'm just going to put this out there because it's so mother trucking distracting... this page is trying to do weird Internet shit and every 30seconds it's trying to upload or whatthefuckever and everything gets blurry. 1st world problems. Fuck. I need to stop with this shit. 

7.3

Seven point three

I don't work out. But I like to run away from my problems. Seven point three miles is all it takes for me to run away from everything and also get back to the core of every problem. You can run as much as you want... Run away as fast as you can. I find that I run in circles. 7.3 mile circles.

I know this because I run on country roads. Cars drive on country roads, cars have mile trackers. I tracked the miles.

7.3 is my number... the last number.

After all consideration... I decided that this is no guarantee... I do not like reason. Give me one good reason to do anything...

Running is not one of those things anymore.

I just want to sleep.

Love is a fire for life

It's been a while... things just haven't felt right. Until now. It's been a wild ride. I feel like a lose canon, or maybe just a wild card.

Or I may have just found out that I like everything about my life.

One thing that is solid and true: I have the most desirable friends and family. They care like those colorful bears up in the sky; they sparkle like a million strippers; their insight is that of a guru; our love is comparable to nothing I know. And I love them. I love them like waking up from a nightmare and knowing that everything is fine. I love them the way a tree loves water. I need them. I need you. I love you.

So I am here to say thank you and sorry.

Thank you for your support, friendship and for being you.
Sorry for my general lack of participation and overall disregard for anything.

We are all going different ways and it feels good, it feels right.
However, it feels lonely, yet, overwhelmingly full. I will always love my friends and I will never let them go because they are me and I am them... eye to sight/heart to heat/ear to silence.