PEACE & LOVE

Tom can feel the peace. he can not see it, however, because we are half a mile into the great earth.

can you see the wall? tubes of lava. tubes of lava. we penetrate deep.

these last two people loved too much... this was the only time this girl (the one in the red sweatie) woke up  long enough from her fuck stupor to actually get out the van. she wasn't even in the class.

i "love" (i found out that i love being ON TOP of the earth, NOT INSIDE of it!) life lessons. or i guess more like, " I like penis and i never want to be one mile into this rock solid planet on my fucking hands and keens crawling into a space that is way to tight for a human to enter."

wait... + after this one...

love is for losers and i just want a talking dog.

ahhh hahaha no i sure don't! i can tell you that the last thing i want is something that keeps talking to me. the last pet i had kept talking... i should have taped his mouth shut. it's not like he knew what to do with it.

after this... only positivity.

i have a plan.
take one breath at a time.
blink when my eyes are dry.
drink water when i need it.
get a job.
go to school.
become religions.
spew one million needy-mouth-monsters out of my vagina.
inject my blood stream with 20Cc's of any gas.
fall over.
die.
tell society this is the new black.
repeat.

funnyordie

oh kay. whatever. its jewel. i don't care about jewel. but this is funny to me. jewel and funnyordie

or if you want to see what i feel like most of the time, there is this. sometimes funnyordie

or if you just don't have a life and you want to keep watching lame videos, here's one of little bieber. he is a cat. baby bieber is a good actor funnyordie

are you sure your a bitch, becuase you look like a ho i met

I found this, hidden on my computer... well it's only like, what, 2 days old.

"geez... you wanna know what an adult is?! it's someone who sits in their house at 10:30 pm eating Kraft mac and cheese. but hold on. this is gourmet m&c. there are other kinds of cheese in here. and these noodles are HOT. really, i made them that way. all hot and shit. with hot sauce and peppers and stuff.

fuck. i am not an adult. that requires rational decisions... like not trying to ride a bike with a totally flat tire. or eating your roommates m&c. hey... that roommate moved out. so it needed to be eaten.

adults also do really important things, like making sure other adults sign contracts to do hair commercials for the hair dye that they don't use. also adults get naked when their roommates are not around. I'm naked, in my house, doing commercials for l'orea hair dye. try my product. TRY MY PRODUCT!!! try my product  try my fucking product. "

tripping on ball cheese in the twilight zone

i think I'm depressed. in the last 24 hours, i slept 20. now it's 5 something in the AM and I'm watching the twilight zone, eating my roommates soup. it sucks, the soup. the TV sucks too. fuck, i guess i suck too. but the soup really sucks. just as much as my computer right now and the screen that wants to die. i sure can tell you that this episode of the twilight zone does not suck. "nothing for you, not a thing" this episode is about Christmas. and this bum has a bag that gives everyone everything they want, but the bum gets nothing. nothing but the joy of giving. i need to get up in 2 hours. good thing I'm going back to bed soon.

okay this is so fucking annoying. my TV screen wants to turn off, and so does my computer screen. both of them are flickering. i can't fucking stand it. fuck. i wish it was Christmas eve and i was jolly old st nick. i want to be Santa Claus. why not? he makes everyone so happy.

anyways, back to my depression. I'm depressed because i don't have a fuck right now. and my soup sucks. both of these things are sort of lies. i mean, I'm not depressed because of these things. I'm depressed because the culture i live in suppresses me and i feel a weight on my life because of it. take, for example, the fact that I'm broke. now, this would not be a problem if i lived in a world that did not have money. but this fucking culture and  the " I want, I want I want" syndrome that has stricken so many, i can't understand my place here. oh god, I'm so cold. am i dying? that would just be too perfect, wouldn't it.

back to the twilight zone. i have a new episode here. Oregon trail style. this man, his son is dying, and his wife is fucking losing it. now he is in the twilight zone. what year did humans invent electricity? because i think this man just stumbled onto a power grid and I'm pretty sure he is tripping balls over it right now. oh ya. he is. there is a road, and he doesn't know what it is. same with the car on the road.... this man is fucking tripping balls right now. hes in the fucking twilight zone! so am i. fuck.

1847 that is the year this man lives in. but it's really 1961. he is so fucked. his kid is dead, his wife is dead, apparently, so is he. "every 60 seconds, someone is switching to a tempurpedic matress" i don't know about that. that seems wrong. are there really that many people in the world? who cares. not me. anyways. this show. amazing. fucking brilliant.

OH MY FUCKING GOD... SLIM T'S. it's a tank top for fat men. no... hahaha, its a fucking corset for men. i want one. a man, that is. one that does not need a slim t. i guess i want a slim t as well. or maybe just a stomach that looks like it has a slim t on it. that is to say that i want to have no gut. no gut=lots of fuck. here's a link... tighten up. wow. someone is making a lot of money at 6 in the AM on sunday. most stations are playing "paid program". don't believe me? wake up and check it out for yourself. oh what? you want to sleep and be normal? or are you even in bed yet?  because i just called my friends, and they never went to bed. too bad they are actually doing something and I'm just watching infomercials and force feeding myself soup that tastes like ball cheese.

ugh. i just feel so bad. this soup is so bad. I'm so cold. at least I'm not in the twilight zone. or fuck, am i???

take it off

oh naked and naked and naked. why not?

fuck i hate my cloths. they are ugly and restricting. and i want to be naked all of the time. at least, all of the times when my roommate is not around.
my new pass time... getting naked and doing my life right. i live on the 2nd/3rd floor of my house and no one can see me. that is a huge lie. because i live on the 2nd/3rd floor of my house, a lot of winder can be drifted (ie, i can be seen).

what of it.

gods gift.

get naked.

fucked up on the fuck

booty callin... it's not as cool as you think.
"What the fuck are you doing, you huge shit head?"
i sent that to a wrong number.
"Who's this?" they write back.
" A mistake... but if your a hot 20 nothing male, give me a call."
is what i wrote back.

ya... and there was one. it was me, by myself.

mushhead

problems and pee make my life what it is

i woke up this morning and immediately jumped back into my favorite pass time... talking. or rather, talking about things that are so inappropriate that i can hardly hold the pee inside my body because I'm laughing so hard. The conversation was about peeing on people. It went a little something like this...

"Nick, have you ever peed on someone?"
"Only in the shower."
"Do they know?"
"Oh ya, I make a huge production out of it." Says Nick, while he grasps an invisible penis to demonstrate how he essentially hoses his victims off with his own special blend of sterile liquid body by-product.

We continue on like this for a few more minutes before he proceeds to tell me that his current lesbian lover likes to get peed on in the shower and actually has a dance for this.

"You do a dance when your peeing on her?"
"No, she has a dance for when i pee on her."
"Oh ya, that is it like... can you demonstrate it for me?"
"Ya its like this... ya know, like a little dog."
"Oh hahaha, she dances like a dog when you pee on her?"
"Ya, like a little dog with a tutu on. You know what I'm talking about."

Yes, I did know what he was talking about. But we had been talking in this manner for over 24 hours now and I really couldn't take much more of it. My stomach and jaw hurt from all the laughter and i really needed to get home so that i could spend all of the money i don't have on really cool things like x-rays and speeding tickets.

I had a prime ride home. Banged the shit out of Mt. Tabor and got some blackberries for breakfast. I managed to avoid most of the blackberry prickles, which was not the case with my battle for the sweetest roses your nose has never had the pleasure of smelling. If your intoxicated and you get this great idea to stray from your friends at some ungodly hour to pick roses from a round-about in the middle of a mega city, i would suggest doing it some other way. I learned a lesson and i used that knowledge to unravel  a plan of action for my morning blackberry hunt. All these scraps and bruises that i get, I'm fucking sick of it. I seriously have a scratch from the "battle of the rose bush" that goes almost around my entire thigh. Ya anyways... i got home and started to deal with my shit. Problem #1: NEED ROOMMATE. Problem #1: SOLVED. Nat called me and he wants to move in. SUPER SCORE! Nat is totally radical and he probably doesn't know that i used to really think he was some sort of super human and he probably doesn't need to know that i still  think that way. I had a great morning... and like all great things, they end. I'm going to be a broke mother fucker for the rest of my 24th year on this planet.


Problem #2:

 Problem #2 is this fucking speeding ticket. Here's a better view...

That's me, thinking about what the fuck just happened. Now i own $190 and i still am thinking "what the fuck just happened." I want to fucking kill my car. No, actually, I just want to fucking make a scene and get this ticket out of my life.

Problem #3: Jury duty. WHAT!? no. no thanks on that one. I mean, ya sure... they pay you. But eight weeks? no thanks. i was thinking how historical and what a mind fuck it would be if it was the trial for Kyron's stepmother.

Problem #4: X-ray bill. insurance-smishurance. They paid, like, 30 fucking dollars for this? cool. thanks. I'm really happy that i don't have a broken wrist, but i sure as fuck did not need to pay some $120-something for this confidence. fuck. i could have told the doctor that it wasn't broken... in fact i did tell him. liability-smishiability.

Problem #5: I have no money to pay for any of this shit.

Problem #6: my computer is dying.

Problem #7: is that i compain too much.

Solution For Everything: go intodewilde and get lost forever and never see a dollar bill again. also, get peed on by as many people as i possibly can. "haters want to hate, lovers want to love, i don't even want none of the above, I want to piss on you." after all, your body is a porta-potty.

For a really fucking amazing time... watch this and think of how much you want someone to piss all over you.... yummm time with R. Kelly  (ps. Brigit and the midget is my favorite part... R. Kelly does a really nice female southern accent.)

i scream at this cream

i pulled a dog tag out of the road tonight.
what of it?
what of it? did someone kill your pet? i did not. someone else might have, but not me, that's for sure. if someone did run over your Rover, they killed it pretty damn hard and tight. that thing is gone and dead in the asphalt. i doubt that this is what happened... but one never knows.
spam is not the same for one as it is for the other. i want to kill my mind. i made a pie out of my life. cherry berry unknown. eat it and die. here i am.... here i am in a mind fuck storm that has nothing and everything to do with my current  life. i want to listen to music of the bereaved and think of all the ailments that my computer has contracted and mull over all the ways in which i will never be there for anyone... including an inanimate object.

sometimes you turn your sad and lonely face toward me and i don't know what to tell you. i'm sorry for all the joy i have in my life that i force onto your sad existence. i really never wanted this for you... computer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHY!!!!!!!!????????????????????????????? the spam that i love is not the spam that you love. we fight over these things and it hurts me so. Stop turning a blank page to me... please! i beg of you... please stop your memory loss and your blindness... you are so old, yet so young.

okay so i think that if i smoke my drugs in a white pipe with a white lighter... i might just get away with the whole " i can't breath... this is my inhaler" tactic for smoking drugs in front of the idiocracy that is my every step in this stupid excuse for an existence.I dont know... i do know that i am getting really good at being brazen in public. ig, liv, and liv's current heart throb sat next to me while i smoked a bowl on Clinton and 26th in front of broder. this kind of behavior is rather common with me. what am i supposed to do! stay sober... hahaha no thanks. i would rather not do that. Stone Crusher would want his mommy to be happy... (steal that name, and i will be a stone crusher on your face and the face of whoever occupies the name i have for my un-born son!).

here and now i can't believe that i am here and now.

I picked up ig at a gas station really late last night. it wasn't a gas station, it was a plaid pantry. anyways, she keeps telling all these drooling boys that she is going to have a threesome with them. this is historical. and also very hysterical. i wish i could see the faces.

i am wearing a table cloth. ig is wearing a turban made of a shall. we are going to be lesbians and eat fish. sushi. we are going to eat ice cream cake with ro bo. we are humans. at the beach... tomorrow.

the child named mainlander will ride into your hearts and minds

haha... silly me! i don't need to quit the things that i love oh so much, i just need to do more of some of the other things that i love oh so much. like riding my bike. sure fire way to see some truly banging hotties in this fine city of Portland Oregon. i rode my bike to meet ig and her sister and her sisters sweet heart. there are numerous perks to riding your bike, besides the obvious... saving money, getting exercise, saving the world, whatever. but you also have a lot of time to stare at any fine pieces of meat that pass you by. and something that is even more excellent is that fact that your bound to see these people later. people who ride their bikes do it all the time. the chances of running into a fine fox twice in one day are extremely high. take for instance, this silly boy named Ryan. He's not really what i would consider to be the kind of banging hottie that i want to see twice in one day, but i did see him twice in one day, at least 50 blocks away from the first place i saw him. hence my point here.

Something that is even more phenomenal about this bike situation is that i'm getting better at it. less body sliding and more tire rotation on the pavement.

i had to deal with my phone today. i stopped paying my phone bill. this is not something the phone company likes. i told them that i would never pay it and they had to hunt me down, which would be totally possible in this day and age. no one is ever going to figure out where i'm hiding because technology has not made it that far yet, at least not on my razor phone and i still don't have a computer chip in my passport so maybe i actually could get away intodewilde and be lost to this place i consider to be my unfortunate reality in the concrete jungle. 

mainlander is busy fucking me right now. i have to pay a deposit. i told them they could deposit it into their asses because i will not pay it.

its really unfortunate that the property management company that is currently stealing all of my money is called mainlander. this is because i want to name my child mainlander. stone crusher tron mega mainlander dewilde. he will be one of those foxy mother fuckers you stupid un-born girls will fall off your bike for. so watch out... in like, i don't know, never many years from now.its a harsh world, stone crusher might never make it to it.

good thing my computer is dying...

so i decided that if i want to get fucked more, i need to lose my beer gut, which means i need to stop drinking beer, which would be like telling some circle k clerk that they suck at their job. that is to say that they may be mildly offended but really they don't give a fuck about what you have to say and they will just keep on stalking those liters of cola and pretend that your getting a special hand shake from your worst enemy in the back ally of a del taco in San Diego. basically, i like beer. it is soo god. and good. good god, that shit is legit. and god.

anyways i'm just sick on life right about now. which is not true. i love this crazy place called me. but i need to figure some more things out before my parents and all of my friends decide to chuck me off a cliff like that little dead baby i saw at St. Helens. beer guts are just plain annoying. why can't i drink beer and that be the end of it? beer goes in, beer goes out, beer guts are not real, just like reality and how it is not actually real.

i'm really happy about going back intodewilde tomorrow. I'm going spelunking. neat, hu?! did you know, that if you are ever stuck in the cold, cold world that your life would be if you were lost in the woods during a below freezing situation, you could find a cave and you could be saved. no really, cave temperature is usually close to the average annual temperature of the outside climate. cave temperatures tend to be higher than the temperature of the above ground environment, which means you would be less likely to freeze to death inside a cave during a frightening, frigid freeze over. you might die of starvation or dehydration, but whatever.

good god. i need a safety head check meeting and some of this... http://www.vbs.tv/watch/americana/the-taxidermist

when the internet is over, i will blog.

Ya know, i started reading other blogs, and people just write about sex and booze. Which is pretty fucking awesome. Shit man, i could write about sex and drugs all night long. I mean, that is what i want, sex and drugs. I think that http://www.20nothing.com  is sick. Anyone who can make alcoholism seem sexy and intriguing has got to be one funny mother trucker. too bad it doesn't work for me.

I had a blast at St, Helens

I went to the mountain that goes by the name of St. Helens. Unfortunatley, I was confused about my alarm and the time that is was going off at, so naturally, I was really late to the party. This was funny to me, right!? I had two van loads of people waiting for me and when I got there, I was pretty heady, not to mention,i just woke up, like, 15 minutes prior to this early morning rendezvous. This is what I wrote while I sat in the back of a full 12 person van:
"I love being the last one everwhere, especially when I am so high. I reek of pot and probably beer... I guess I sort of care, but its just annoying, if anything. Seriously, i just need everyone to step back and take a breath. These people are really serious. So hard on the seriousness of  serious, these people are. I made these people wait and move seats around and now they want to talk about the future! WE ARE NOT MARRIED. geez. I need a pillow for my head to sleep in this car. I'm fucking tired. I just saw two cats. Fuck, I'm so tired. This is how i feel about people- i don't like them. I'm fucking sick of people. I want to live in the woods and spend about zero percent of my time talking to fucking idiots."

Good stuff... well I spent the rest of the way sleepiong. Later, the teacher asked me if I had slept at all last night, which i had, quite a bit, actually. Anyways... here is my day in a few photos with a few words...

These women kept farting and they had funny southerner accents. I feel like this will be me when i grow up... on a tour bus with all my old lady friends, farting and talking about how much exercise I'm getting today while i sit on a fucking bus and fart my brains out. They were cute, though.

We watched a poorly edited video. The screen was in front of a huge window and Tom said that they probably open the curtains up when the movie was over. Hey, what do you know, they did just that! Tom is so smart.

Tom took this one of me.

I took this one of Tom.

These people ended up throwing this dead baby into the crater...

We went and saw the wetness.

These last two pictures are of the St. Helens ash figurines that I bought for all of my friends and family. It's Santa Claus and he is riding various animals, such as a dolphin or a goose, as showcased here.

i love this man and everything he does... oh ya, Sonic Youth is cool, too.

soft focus is filling my mind space with yum

real emotion is such a drag.

 Busy being a loner... a loner, dottie, a rebel.

When i was young, i told everyone how i would get my misery out of the way when i was all limbily-bimbily. i said " get your kicks... fuck up now. now, not later." yes... now... NOT LATER. but what happens when now is actually later? i could have told you that now is now and now will never be again, but now is later. now is now, but now, i speak of now when it is too late.

on the outerweb i looked up:" funny fucking shit" and please laugh at this because it is funny what you will find when your not looking for funny people fucking the silly shit out of whatever they can.

2 Girls 1 cup

Hosted funny porn

Funny self sucking

Smoking vagina

Fucked by a rabbit

Very sick blowjob

Nasty anal Prolapse

Funny Amputee porn

seriously... i am having the worst time with this shit... i should just find three unsespecting fucking idots and sew them ass to mouth and make them clean my mind up.