if i was a turtle, i wouldn't need to find a home because i would be constantly growing one

are people something i should be afraid of? i use to think so. i still do. they are just like wild animals, you never know what the fuck their gonna do next. i have these dreams that i'm wrestling this huge wild jungle cat in a manner that only another huge wild jungle cat would... as if i were this huge wild jungle cat, but we all know that i'm not (cats don't have thumbs (or any real fingers to speak of) to type with) so what happens in the end, as you could image, i get the bajesus slapped out of me, both by the cat, and by the floor when i hit it. i feel that's what my interactions with the general public will inevitably turn into... a very awkward one sided role playing game that turns physical and i eventually feel like a victim or a straight up poser.

however, i am pleased to say that has not been the current case. i have had the most pleasnt day haning out with stangers in their most private spaces. we touch hands, bump into walls, talk about heat. and i feel fine about all of this. sometimes i think its easier for me than it is for them. sometimes. i get that feeling the strongest when they start to talk about their feelings. one man told me about his current employment, his boss, his new opportunity, a promotion, presumably, and then he gave a few reasons as to why he was going to just give it all up and live on unemployment because he could afford to do so. i told him i didn't want to live in an apartment. which is true, i don't want to live in an apartment. but i did feel a bit weird having this conversation about his future life plans of going nowhere. and by conversation, i mean, him talking and me listening.

people aren't as bad as i thought though. they really can be very pleasant, entertaining, and insightful, amongst many other qualities and traits. yet even with this new insight into humanities colorful caverns, i still don't have a solid stone to call my home. i'm still not worried. but maybe i should be? fuck. i am running out of time, there is no question about the passing of sociological time. but i know this will work out. i have that knowledge.