i'm going to eat myself for thanksgiving.

Me and I, we are going to have a fine time! i have my parents ranch house in the country allllllll to myself, at least for a little while! i finally got everyone to leave the house, and now i'm sipping on fine wine out of the bottle, watching little turdis's play in the snow!  what kind of stories would you like to hear? how about turkey stories, being that today is "go kill an Indian day" or i mean "go take over a country day" or i mean "thanksgiving day"

so last year at thanksgiving, my mom tried to tell me i should date my aunts nephew, shortly after she smashed a glass framed painting in my uncles drive way, but not before my aunts niece shit talked her at the table.

the year before that, i was late to thanksgiving and had to sit by myself as a consequence of my late arrival. and as a consequence of that, i left early.

the year before that, my mom and jerry went to costa rica, so jon and i invited my dad and his wife and jon's entire family over to my mom's house to have dinner here. this is funny because... well for the obvious reason that i had my boyfriends entire family, and my dad (who is not married to my mother) over to my mothers house when she wasn't here. we had a party with all my friends after jon's mom yelled at jon's little brother for not eating something that she made and then left to go to a hotel.

i can't remember any others.

the best thanksgiving, however, was the one i had on the beach with my mom, my boyfriend at the time, marc, and my brother and his girlfriend at the time. my brother stole all the food from whole foods, where he worked at the time. we packed it up into a picnic basket, grabbed a bottle of wine for each person, and went to the beach at sunset and had a fucking blast! at least i think we did, because after the bottle of wine to myself, i can't remember much!