well golly. golly gee whiz. i think i'm wasting my time on the internet. maybe just a little bit. you know, i used to think that the only people who participate in the wacky world that is "online dating" were people like me... 20 somethings with not much "real" going on. people who have nothing better to do but stay up late and listen to the album "surf's up" by the beach boys until it gets beaten into the ground like something that gets beaten into the ground. as it turns out, i'm wrong. like really wide off the mark.
take, for example, this lovely little specimen that i met tonight. i managed to (not so sneakily) figure out his name. for confidentiality's sake, lets just call him JK. i assure you, JK is not short for "just kidding" because this guy is not fucking around... unless, of course, you are referring to the fact that he is on a dating website chatting with people who live some 900 miles away in another state (that would be yours truly), then yes, this guy is fucking around a little bit. anyways, i'm off tract, which is the opposite of what this guy is.
let me just start it like this... "how's it going?" he inquires.
now, my initial thought is, "why the fuck do people think that its cool to take pictures of themselves in their foggy bathroom mirrors with their smart phone? god, i bet this loser's next picture is of himself without a shirt on, flexing at the gym."
so i do some investigation and come to the conclusion that this guy is a total nerd. and by "investigation" i mean that i looked at the rest of his photos. and by "total nerd" i mean that he appears to be a relatively normal guy with some pretty bangin tattoos. normally i would decide weather or not i really want to talk to someone purely based upon their face. if your not tall, dark and handsome, well that sort of sucks, but at least i give everyone a fair warning on my page that "i'm kind of a asshole". so before i decide to cast myself off as a total "facial bigot" i decided to delve deeper in my inquisition of this character. what i found out just made me feel like shit. when am i going to graduate college? when am i going to start teaching at a collage? when am i going to ride my bike across the country, promoting my book that actually, literally, no fucking joke, GROWS TREES? i'll tell you when... probably never... but never say never, even when you are saying the saying "never say never" (that's why i am typing it, because typing is not talking, so i, in fact, am not actually saying "never say never" i am typing it), so i will just say that there is a chance that it might take me a little while to do something to that tone.
so at this juncture i sign an imaginary, invisible, unspoken contract with this unknown stranger to "chat" and chat we do. i read his page and find out that he is a teacher at pepperdine university. as i later come to find out, he is not necessarily religions, which he actually did not tell me, but i found out on the internet upon reading an interview... one might say that i am an internet stacker, but i'm actually just using my resources. really, for fucks sake, i would teach at pepperdine too, and if you know anything about me, i am no believer. lets just keep pushing on the peddles here... so he is a teacher at a prestigious private university. whatever. no big deal. did i mention he is 27? ya. but wait, there's more.
he wrote a book. but whats a book if it can't grow a tree, ya know? because i don't. but apparently he did. so he wrote a book and the cover has seeds in it. so go plant a book. his book. and it will grow a tree so that someone out there can make more books out of the trees that these books can and will grow. that's not all, kiddies, because this guy co-founded an independent publishing house, biked across the country to promote his book on a zero emissions book tour, landed on the cover of a magazine, and best of all, hes on an online dating site. yes, the world has officially gone mad.
honestly, i got a little annoyed about how cool this dood sounded after only reading one very informative interview on the internet, so i actually stopped at one (plus a few more... whatever... i'm using my fucking resources okay, i'm not a stalker). anyways... all of this motivation for such an audit came well after our rather basic, but delightful conversation. its funny how chatting with people online actually leads to nowhere. he told he he was a writer, i asked what he writes about, he said he wrote a book, i asked the name of the book, and soon after the topic changed and nothing was said about it again. we talked about tattoos for the most part, end of story.
i guess what i'm getting at is that you really can't judge a book by its cover (no pun intended) for it must be read to know what its about (pun intended). no really though... as that wonderful song goes...
"You can't judge an apple by looking at a tree,
You can't judge honey by looking at the bee,
You can't judge a daughter by looking at the mother,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover.
You can't judge sugar by looking at the cane,
You can't judge a woman by looking at her man,
You can't judge a sister by looking at her brother,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover.
You can't judge a fish by lookin' in the pond,
You can't judge right from looking at the wrong,
You can't judge one by looking at the other,
You can't judge a book by looking at the cover."
and fuck it, one day i will steal this JK's idea and write a book about good beer, good friends, good food and good times and the cover will be full of hop seeds, people seeds, rippin delicious food seeds and seeds that make you see things that might or might not be there. it will be some kind of zany willy wanka shit. you plant my book and you will have blow-your-mind-beer, awesome hotties, mouth watering chow and all the psychedelics you could ever image! so there.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Tuesday, December 28, 2010
Noah was a bum and those animals were his crack pipe and that arch was his cardboard box
as i listen to the newest deerhunter album, i can't help but to get distracted by the rain pissing out of the sky and the heater constantly battling itself... the war of whether to stay on or off. god, portland. you sort of suck. or maybe i just suck when i'm in you. i can't help but want to cry every time i come here. maybe its because it never stops raining. what is that saying... "idiot do what idiot see" or maybe it was "monkey say what monkey do"... whatever, that's besides the point. the point is, the rain. it rains out of the sky and i rain out of my face.
this feeling of sheer and utter annoyance i have in this everybody-looks-and-acts-and-is-essentially-the-same-city probably has something to do with the fact that i just don't feel comfortable here. which should be reason enough for me to bust my balls and graduate college, but instead, it just makes me drag my feet. something about "misery loves company" because there certainly seems to be a lot of miserable people here. except for that one bum... he is not miserable (ya know, the one that yells obscenities to everyone in the streets. he seems pretty stoked and one night, i saw him at the bar and he was honest enough to tell the bar tender that his drunk ass broke a glass (crack) pipe in the bathroom... that guy is special and he is not included in my general stereotype of porltand people).
i get annoyed that someone broke the arm off of my Elroy figuring. i don't even like football. and i'm not a figuring collector. its just that... that little fucker is mine, and someone broke it.
oh. snap.
i just figured it out. it is raining this hard because this is the end of the world. pretty soon i'll see an arch filled with healthy female and male specimens of every single species of living organisms on this planet float by my window as i start to drown in my old little house. the water has rose up over the curb, over the retaining wall, into the yard. water has filled the basement, drowning the little Foosball players on their sorrowful field of perpetual play. water has filled jean's downstairs apartment. she is pounding on the celling in a final attempt to outrage me. nah.. that's not her style. she has actually just throw a hand written sign out of her window that has now floated up to my living room window on the second floor. it reads,"will you please turn off the water, you are flooding my apartment and wasting water is environmentally unfriendly". now the water has rushed into my house and i had to take my computer to the third story to write this last entry... the last entry a human will ever write, because i'm the last one. Noah decided to take no human with him to the new world. he also took himself. his own life, he took it away. and now i sit here... on my roof. the water has overcome my room and the entire third floor of my house. i have enough battery power to tell no one everything that doesn't matter.
i don't actually have the battery to do much of anything.
i took out the trash, i cried over a melted tea kettle, i drank about 100 ounces of water, i listened to the song "sailing" about 17 times on repeat, i let random strangers pester me over a dating website,
this feeling of sheer and utter annoyance i have in this everybody-looks-and-acts-and-is-essentially-the-same-city probably has something to do with the fact that i just don't feel comfortable here. which should be reason enough for me to bust my balls and graduate college, but instead, it just makes me drag my feet. something about "misery loves company" because there certainly seems to be a lot of miserable people here. except for that one bum... he is not miserable (ya know, the one that yells obscenities to everyone in the streets. he seems pretty stoked and one night, i saw him at the bar and he was honest enough to tell the bar tender that his drunk ass broke a glass (crack) pipe in the bathroom... that guy is special and he is not included in my general stereotype of porltand people).
i get annoyed that someone broke the arm off of my Elroy figuring. i don't even like football. and i'm not a figuring collector. its just that... that little fucker is mine, and someone broke it.
oh. snap.
i just figured it out. it is raining this hard because this is the end of the world. pretty soon i'll see an arch filled with healthy female and male specimens of every single species of living organisms on this planet float by my window as i start to drown in my old little house. the water has rose up over the curb, over the retaining wall, into the yard. water has filled the basement, drowning the little Foosball players on their sorrowful field of perpetual play. water has filled jean's downstairs apartment. she is pounding on the celling in a final attempt to outrage me. nah.. that's not her style. she has actually just throw a hand written sign out of her window that has now floated up to my living room window on the second floor. it reads,"will you please turn off the water, you are flooding my apartment and wasting water is environmentally unfriendly". now the water has rushed into my house and i had to take my computer to the third story to write this last entry... the last entry a human will ever write, because i'm the last one. Noah decided to take no human with him to the new world. he also took himself. his own life, he took it away. and now i sit here... on my roof. the water has overcome my room and the entire third floor of my house. i have enough battery power to tell no one everything that doesn't matter.
i don't actually have the battery to do much of anything.
i took out the trash, i cried over a melted tea kettle, i drank about 100 ounces of water, i listened to the song "sailing" about 17 times on repeat, i let random strangers pester me over a dating website,
Sunday, December 26, 2010
high on... something, but, actually, nothing... except for an excessive amount of commas
i went shooting today and i realized that fucking shit up is the best form of medication... ever. that's probably why the japanese have "smash shacks". although, i would find shooting the dishes with a shotgun would be more of a stress release. especially if they were dirty and someone was throwing them off the roof, like clay pigeons, just like in that scene in "don't tell mom the babysitters dead". unfortunately with that scene, there is a "factual error" because, although the sound effects are those of a shoot gun, in fact, kenny is not using a shotgun, he is using a bee bee gun.
anyways... guns are cool, as long as your not shooting someone. well, i mean, i guess if your shooting someone you know and its with a gun that won't kill them, that's sort of a different story. i would love to shoot my friends sometimes. not because i'm mad at them, but if they were shooting me as well. paintball, for example. that shit is legit... and fun. airsoft guns are a blast, as well. no pun intended.
now maybe, if it wasn't one in the morning, i would include a few lovey photos of my crazy uncle and slightly mental mother and myself (who obviously has some issues upstairs, but i'm not going there right now) figuratively shooting our brains out. but... it is one in the morning and shelby is forcing me to wake up early. so these things will just have to wait... till, tomorrow, probably.
until then, if you are interested in feeling high without actually "getting high" go watch "tron" or read the book "DMT the spirit molecule" and trip the fuck out!
anyways... guns are cool, as long as your not shooting someone. well, i mean, i guess if your shooting someone you know and its with a gun that won't kill them, that's sort of a different story. i would love to shoot my friends sometimes. not because i'm mad at them, but if they were shooting me as well. paintball, for example. that shit is legit... and fun. airsoft guns are a blast, as well. no pun intended.
now maybe, if it wasn't one in the morning, i would include a few lovey photos of my crazy uncle and slightly mental mother and myself (who obviously has some issues upstairs, but i'm not going there right now) figuratively shooting our brains out. but... it is one in the morning and shelby is forcing me to wake up early. so these things will just have to wait... till, tomorrow, probably.
until then, if you are interested in feeling high without actually "getting high" go watch "tron" or read the book "DMT the spirit molecule" and trip the fuck out!
Wednesday, December 22, 2010
me love you long time...right?!
alright suckers... i finally got a CAMERA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i broke about... um 3 or 4 of them. this one... this one i shall keep for a LONG LONG TIME!!!! get ready for some sweet shit. (sweet shit = things that are cool to me that probably will be of no interest to you... hence the "shit" part of "sweet shit").
Saturday, December 18, 2010
drugs+war=american motivation.
fucking seriously? someone told me that they sell pot for a living... right before they told me that they are about to join the military... as an officer! i'm so glad that america is on it. i guess this is health care. duh.
Friday, December 17, 2010
i don't eat human, but someone wants to.
someone googled "what creates the strongest desire to eat and why?"
and my blog was the second thing that popped up! hahahahhaha read that shit and get hungry!
and my blog was the second thing that popped up! hahahahhaha read that shit and get hungry!
you can walk all over me, just don't walk away.
there is this one song that i can't stop listening to...pursuit of happiness
it just makes me so happy. "if i fall, if i die, know i lived it to the fullest" because i know that everything that shines is not made of gold.
jake and lisa told me that i would like the movie "the fall" and i sure did. i think that people can relate to the problems of others, mostly because they don't have them. people, americans, whoever... we watch to much fucking tv. the idiot box makes us think that we actually know what it feels like. what does it feel like when you lose your mind, your lover, your family, your life? we can guess, we can tell ourselves that we actually know. but that is just because we saw it on tv. we saw someone have a problem, and we think that we know how it feels because someone on the screen had this problem. in fact... NO ONE KNOWS, UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU. and even then... what does it feel like? because when shit goes down, you actually don't feel anything. and what i feel about something will not be what someone else feels about the same thing.
take voting, for example. i voted because i wanted to. i wanted to. i can't think of any other reason. i just wanted to. i also felt that i had to. my roommate did not vote. my other roommate voted because he wanted some kind of change. my family voted because they are well informed on the issues and they wanted to exercise their rights in hopes of making a positive alteration. we all had the same options, we all had the same choices but we did not have the same affair. we did not make the same decision, we did not have the same feelings... WE DID NOT HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE.... even thought, it was fundamentally the same situation.
or kids. we were all kids once... but some old people don't like them, and some old people can't stop making more of them because they think kids are super.
or fucking fruit. some people like to eat fruit, some people like to fuck fruit... just ask nick S. he likes to do bananas. and until he adds me as a friend on facebook... well lets just say he will be eating man-salted-naners.
the point is... we all live though things in different ways.
one more thing... this song makes me even more happy. i could die in this songs arms and be ever so happy... fuck man, i would go to church (not with a mushhead hangover) if i could hear this song echo through the chambers of godlandhouse.... nightdogs
alright... so night, dawgs!
it just makes me so happy. "if i fall, if i die, know i lived it to the fullest" because i know that everything that shines is not made of gold.
jake and lisa told me that i would like the movie "the fall" and i sure did. i think that people can relate to the problems of others, mostly because they don't have them. people, americans, whoever... we watch to much fucking tv. the idiot box makes us think that we actually know what it feels like. what does it feel like when you lose your mind, your lover, your family, your life? we can guess, we can tell ourselves that we actually know. but that is just because we saw it on tv. we saw someone have a problem, and we think that we know how it feels because someone on the screen had this problem. in fact... NO ONE KNOWS, UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU. and even then... what does it feel like? because when shit goes down, you actually don't feel anything. and what i feel about something will not be what someone else feels about the same thing.
take voting, for example. i voted because i wanted to. i wanted to. i can't think of any other reason. i just wanted to. i also felt that i had to. my roommate did not vote. my other roommate voted because he wanted some kind of change. my family voted because they are well informed on the issues and they wanted to exercise their rights in hopes of making a positive alteration. we all had the same options, we all had the same choices but we did not have the same affair. we did not make the same decision, we did not have the same feelings... WE DID NOT HAVE THE SAME EXPERIENCE.... even thought, it was fundamentally the same situation.
or kids. we were all kids once... but some old people don't like them, and some old people can't stop making more of them because they think kids are super.
or fucking fruit. some people like to eat fruit, some people like to fuck fruit... just ask nick S. he likes to do bananas. and until he adds me as a friend on facebook... well lets just say he will be eating man-salted-naners.
the point is... we all live though things in different ways.
one more thing... this song makes me even more happy. i could die in this songs arms and be ever so happy... fuck man, i would go to church (not with a mushhead hangover) if i could hear this song echo through the chambers of godlandhouse.... nightdogs
alright... so night, dawgs!
Thursday, December 16, 2010
here i am. and here i am not.
i wrote this fucking lame shit about how much i love everyone.
duh
i love you all.
too fucking bad we can't tell each other this shit everyday.
erg. life is and it is not.
duh
i love you all.
too fucking bad we can't tell each other this shit everyday.
erg. life is and it is not.
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
never talk to strangers... because they actually know you!
oh seriously... here... this is funny...
i went to go play a game or three of pinball at my local haunt.
this is how it went down...
game one: winning big time. at one point i had 7 balls blasting me from all angles. best score of my life!
game two: sort of okay. ball three was stalled by someone asking my name. first off, i almost shit my pants because i was taken off guard by this person approaching me to ask my name.
"sorry to scare you, but what is your name?"
"kristine" i say
"where are you from?" asks this stranger
"bend... why, who are you?"
"nick... i lived next to you" says the stranger, now know as nick.
blah blah blah.... he is jon's friend. rather, he is my old neighbors friend. this fucking guy has known me since i was 18. i have no idea who he is. no idea. at all. still.. i don't remember him. at all.
okay so this is what i found out... he has seen me in this bar once before. i'm sitting there... i order a jubelale. this reassures him that i am who i am. we bendits love our local beer. he approaches me. we have this strange conversation. fuck. fucking fuck. this guy is apparently one of jon's better friends. jon and i don't talk. haven't for a year. probably will never.
but the funny thing is... i asked ing to look at jon's stupid facebook so as to verify that he actually moved to "ya, i'm the bitch"... better known as "idaho" and all i see is the correspondence between some motherfucker named nick.
nick is the man i am talking to. nick knew me before i knew jon. nick knows jon because of me. nick and jon are now friends. apparently good ones, at that.
i smoke nick's cigarettes. he tries to kiss me. he tells me that he is going to see jon in a few weeks when he goes back to "ya, i'm the bitch". i laugh. and i laugh and i laugh. inside.
we keep drinking together. and then i found 400 dollars...
never talk to strangers... because they actually know you!
i went to go play a game or three of pinball at my local haunt.
this is how it went down...
game one: winning big time. at one point i had 7 balls blasting me from all angles. best score of my life!
game two: sort of okay. ball three was stalled by someone asking my name. first off, i almost shit my pants because i was taken off guard by this person approaching me to ask my name.
"sorry to scare you, but what is your name?"
"kristine" i say
"where are you from?" asks this stranger
"bend... why, who are you?"
"nick... i lived next to you" says the stranger, now know as nick.
blah blah blah.... he is jon's friend. rather, he is my old neighbors friend. this fucking guy has known me since i was 18. i have no idea who he is. no idea. at all. still.. i don't remember him. at all.
okay so this is what i found out... he has seen me in this bar once before. i'm sitting there... i order a jubelale. this reassures him that i am who i am. we bendits love our local beer. he approaches me. we have this strange conversation. fuck. fucking fuck. this guy is apparently one of jon's better friends. jon and i don't talk. haven't for a year. probably will never.
but the funny thing is... i asked ing to look at jon's stupid facebook so as to verify that he actually moved to "ya, i'm the bitch"... better known as "idaho" and all i see is the correspondence between some motherfucker named nick.
nick is the man i am talking to. nick knew me before i knew jon. nick knows jon because of me. nick and jon are now friends. apparently good ones, at that.
i smoke nick's cigarettes. he tries to kiss me. he tells me that he is going to see jon in a few weeks when he goes back to "ya, i'm the bitch". i laugh. and i laugh and i laugh. inside.
we keep drinking together. and then i found 400 dollars...
never talk to strangers... because they actually know you!
Monday, December 6, 2010
cod catfish tuna... which one do i smell like?
for some reason, i just want to eat ramon, like all of the fucking time. my mouth is that stupid waterfall that canada and america "share" because i'm thinking of those salty, meat flavored noodles! Niagara falls is my mouth when i want taco bell and top ramon. whatever... i'm fucking eating fruit because i don't have to boil water or find a fucking taco bell. honestly, dell taco is where its at. they have cheese cake. i love pie. yum.
speaking of pie... or not at all... some rando on the bus put a ski mask on and started to eye fuck me. i liked it... sort of how i like pie. yum. meat pie. yum
speaking of meat pie, i had chicken fried steak this morning and then i lost my left overs! i bet some jerk off threw them away. which is probably what i would have done after i left that shit in my fridge for a week or so.
also, i went to a movie for the first time... i have never been to a movie, EVER! hahaha. ya, no. what i meant is that i have never been to a movie all by my lonesome. today changed that statement. i have now crossed the lonely line of the life of a loser... i went to a movie with me and myself and i and no one. catfish. we all need a catfish to keep us well and ready for other people to eat us. eat me up, for i am the cod and the catfish.
speaking of pie... or not at all... some rando on the bus put a ski mask on and started to eye fuck me. i liked it... sort of how i like pie. yum. meat pie. yum
speaking of meat pie, i had chicken fried steak this morning and then i lost my left overs! i bet some jerk off threw them away. which is probably what i would have done after i left that shit in my fridge for a week or so.
also, i went to a movie for the first time... i have never been to a movie, EVER! hahaha. ya, no. what i meant is that i have never been to a movie all by my lonesome. today changed that statement. i have now crossed the lonely line of the life of a loser... i went to a movie with me and myself and i and no one. catfish. we all need a catfish to keep us well and ready for other people to eat us. eat me up, for i am the cod and the catfish.
Thursday, December 2, 2010
poppin' pinball cherries, but points are sharp, so why make them?
on my way home... i sat in the middle of a four person conversation and pretended that i couldn't hear them.
on my way home... i stopped to play my (least) favorite pinball machine and i made it pop twice because i broke the record twice.
on my way home... i almost never went home.
and when i got home... i almost left.
yes.. tis the truth. i need to live alone.
in my state of self discovery... i realized that i just want to be alone. i really do hate everyone... except my life long lovers... (ie the people that know me well enough to know that i hate them and love them and hate them and love them).
one day... some day... things will be different. by that i mean, i will be old and ugly and comfortable. until then, i will be sad and uncomfortable and confused and annoyed and annoyed and annoyed and annoyed and i will just be a bitch because i really don't see any point. plus, points are sharp and they hurt... so why ask for that?
on my way home... i stopped to play my (least) favorite pinball machine and i made it pop twice because i broke the record twice.
on my way home... i almost never went home.
and when i got home... i almost left.
yes.. tis the truth. i need to live alone.
in my state of self discovery... i realized that i just want to be alone. i really do hate everyone... except my life long lovers... (ie the people that know me well enough to know that i hate them and love them and hate them and love them).
one day... some day... things will be different. by that i mean, i will be old and ugly and comfortable. until then, i will be sad and uncomfortable and confused and annoyed and annoyed and annoyed and annoyed and i will just be a bitch because i really don't see any point. plus, points are sharp and they hurt... so why ask for that?
Sunday, November 28, 2010
girls like to piss together... i guess... or just take pictures.
time vampires have been sucking my life away.
i'm going to name my daughter Outlet and my son Plug.
i'm going to name my daughter Outlet and my son Plug.
i had two really nice drunken bathroom photo sessions this week... here are some of the better photos from each.
 |
We met this lady in the bathroom.. she thought that we were funny. |
 |
So, we got a photo with her. |
 |
| And then she took this photo of us! |
 |
| For some reason, I went into Shelby's bathroom to talk to her. |
 |
| And then i proceeded to take about 15 photos of our faces. |
Thursday, November 25, 2010
i'm going to eat myself for thanksgiving.
Me and I, we are going to have a fine time! i have my parents ranch house in the country allllllll to myself, at least for a little while! i finally got everyone to leave the house, and now i'm sipping on fine wine out of the bottle, watching little turdis's play in the snow! what kind of stories would you like to hear? how about turkey stories, being that today is "go kill an Indian day" or i mean "go take over a country day" or i mean "thanksgiving day"
so last year at thanksgiving, my mom tried to tell me i should date my aunts nephew, shortly after she smashed a glass framed painting in my uncles drive way, but not before my aunts niece shit talked her at the table.
the year before that, i was late to thanksgiving and had to sit by myself as a consequence of my late arrival. and as a consequence of that, i left early.
the year before that, my mom and jerry went to costa rica, so jon and i invited my dad and his wife and jon's entire family over to my mom's house to have dinner here. this is funny because... well for the obvious reason that i had my boyfriends entire family, and my dad (who is not married to my mother) over to my mothers house when she wasn't here. we had a party with all my friends after jon's mom yelled at jon's little brother for not eating something that she made and then left to go to a hotel.
i can't remember any others.
the best thanksgiving, however, was the one i had on the beach with my mom, my boyfriend at the time, marc, and my brother and his girlfriend at the time. my brother stole all the food from whole foods, where he worked at the time. we packed it up into a picnic basket, grabbed a bottle of wine for each person, and went to the beach at sunset and had a fucking blast! at least i think we did, because after the bottle of wine to myself, i can't remember much!
so last year at thanksgiving, my mom tried to tell me i should date my aunts nephew, shortly after she smashed a glass framed painting in my uncles drive way, but not before my aunts niece shit talked her at the table.
the year before that, i was late to thanksgiving and had to sit by myself as a consequence of my late arrival. and as a consequence of that, i left early.
the year before that, my mom and jerry went to costa rica, so jon and i invited my dad and his wife and jon's entire family over to my mom's house to have dinner here. this is funny because... well for the obvious reason that i had my boyfriends entire family, and my dad (who is not married to my mother) over to my mothers house when she wasn't here. we had a party with all my friends after jon's mom yelled at jon's little brother for not eating something that she made and then left to go to a hotel.
i can't remember any others.
the best thanksgiving, however, was the one i had on the beach with my mom, my boyfriend at the time, marc, and my brother and his girlfriend at the time. my brother stole all the food from whole foods, where he worked at the time. we packed it up into a picnic basket, grabbed a bottle of wine for each person, and went to the beach at sunset and had a fucking blast! at least i think we did, because after the bottle of wine to myself, i can't remember much!
food from family
MEAT AND CHEESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love going HOME!!!!
i love food when i don't pay for it, or i am not responsible for it rotting in my ice box. something about food that is not mine... i sure do never want to eat, unless the food is not my own. i am such a huge ass hole. i tossed a garbage can full of food away today... i thought that i would "cook" or "eat" but when the government tells you that you have no freedoms... why do anything?
apparently, i don't care to sleep, either.
urg. why do anything? i bet someone will just toss me in a hole with a bunch of circus clowns and call it a day. and i will wake up with a bunch of dead clowns on me and wonder what the fuck i ate, only to realize that i did not eat anything but the dick off of a dead clown.
urgh... no matter.
i have my cat now... and that is all that i care about. he is happy, i am happy, we are happy.
oh.. duh! SNOW! so stoked on the better half of nature...
meat, cheese, snow, kitten, family.... HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i love going HOME!!!!
i love food when i don't pay for it, or i am not responsible for it rotting in my ice box. something about food that is not mine... i sure do never want to eat, unless the food is not my own. i am such a huge ass hole. i tossed a garbage can full of food away today... i thought that i would "cook" or "eat" but when the government tells you that you have no freedoms... why do anything?
apparently, i don't care to sleep, either.
urg. why do anything? i bet someone will just toss me in a hole with a bunch of circus clowns and call it a day. and i will wake up with a bunch of dead clowns on me and wonder what the fuck i ate, only to realize that i did not eat anything but the dick off of a dead clown.
urgh... no matter.
i have my cat now... and that is all that i care about. he is happy, i am happy, we are happy.
oh.. duh! SNOW! so stoked on the better half of nature...
meat, cheese, snow, kitten, family.... HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Monday, November 22, 2010
o.k. comp, you make life easy.
okay... just pissing my pants right now! loling on the fucking seat that is my butt sitting on this chair ( ie, i'm not rolling on the ground, just laughing in my chair) about the many people i know on this stupid "let me fuck you" web site! (http://www.okcupid.com/ ) look for someone you know... or don't... because i found them either way! and obviously i only found them because i am a victim to this shit as well.
white stuff... cum and pow. i can not get enough.
oh my goodness.. what the fuck did i do to myself! online dating is exhausting. after 5 days... i'm over it. this shit is too much. i mean, yes, i want some Tom, Dick, and Harry in my life, but shit... i don't need 15 emails a day from fucking weirdos all over the state of Crazy.
in my defence, well... what else would i be doing? besides defending myself? ummm... where was i going with this???
here... here is where i was going...
I really can't imagine talking to some many fucking idiots on the Internet. serious. why would anyone want to do this to themselves? i had the best pinball score of my LIFE tonight! and the bar was playing the SOUNDTRACK to my middle/high school days... so i asked the lady in charge of the liquor,
"is this a cd from your childhood?"
"misfits Pandora radio, GURL!"
and i just rolled the change around in my hand and said, "FUCK YA, this shit rules supreme"
she clasped her hands and bowed as if in praise of my praise of her.
fuck ya, shit was legit.
shit was legit until i drank a beer and my score decreases with every game i played. and i wonder why they make laws against drunk driving??!!!!
ALSO... MEADOWS!!!!!!!!! you could give me truck loads of ice cream cake, red velvet cupcakes, lace underwear, bottles on fine whisky, and all the cheesy noodles in the world, and i would give them all up for the fresh pow that meadows gave me on the second day of the season!
in my defence, well... what else would i be doing? besides defending myself? ummm... where was i going with this???
here... here is where i was going...
I really can't imagine talking to some many fucking idiots on the Internet. serious. why would anyone want to do this to themselves? i had the best pinball score of my LIFE tonight! and the bar was playing the SOUNDTRACK to my middle/high school days... so i asked the lady in charge of the liquor,
"is this a cd from your childhood?"
"misfits Pandora radio, GURL!"
and i just rolled the change around in my hand and said, "FUCK YA, this shit rules supreme"
she clasped her hands and bowed as if in praise of my praise of her.
fuck ya, shit was legit.
shit was legit until i drank a beer and my score decreases with every game i played. and i wonder why they make laws against drunk driving??!!!!
ALSO... MEADOWS!!!!!!!!! you could give me truck loads of ice cream cake, red velvet cupcakes, lace underwear, bottles on fine whisky, and all the cheesy noodles in the world, and i would give them all up for the fresh pow that meadows gave me on the second day of the season!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
oprah is fat( i mean plumpish) and i am sad (or just retarded).
things that i now know:
1) it takes time to really love someone, i mean... to REALLY LOVE SOMEONE!
2) it takes time to really hate someone... YA! TO REALLY HATE SOMEONE.
3) the only person i hate is me.
4) the only person that i feel i don't know... well that would be me.
5) five is 2 more than three
6) i really don't like lists. i thought that i did, but i forget to write them, and how can you accomplish anything on a list if you forget to write one?
i hate this stupid list. i hate $20 "Deago" words. although, i would fuck Deago if his girlfriend would only let me! the only thing is... he is too short. i don't want to fuck a short person. i'm short... i don't need any other short people in my life besides people who are younger than me, or shelby jones.
speaking of short... short is what my tolerance is for everything. i like to tell people that i hate them... when i really love the fuck out of them. hey all you lambs... watch the next episode of oprah... a bunch of stupid women want to marry jesus. if that doesn't make you feel really good about your life, well, that sucks because that shit is so sad and so funny. or rather, just really, really weird. and why is that legal? how come, like, 13 woman can marry jesus (take in mind, he sort of died a really long time ago... and i'm talking about 13 woman marring ONE dood... pretty sure thats called polygamy) but two doods can't get married to each other?
1) it takes time to really love someone, i mean... to REALLY LOVE SOMEONE!
2) it takes time to really hate someone... YA! TO REALLY HATE SOMEONE.
3) the only person i hate is me.
4) the only person that i feel i don't know... well that would be me.
5) five is 2 more than three
6) i really don't like lists. i thought that i did, but i forget to write them, and how can you accomplish anything on a list if you forget to write one?
i hate this stupid list. i hate $20 "Deago" words. although, i would fuck Deago if his girlfriend would only let me! the only thing is... he is too short. i don't want to fuck a short person. i'm short... i don't need any other short people in my life besides people who are younger than me, or shelby jones.
speaking of short... short is what my tolerance is for everything. i like to tell people that i hate them... when i really love the fuck out of them. hey all you lambs... watch the next episode of oprah... a bunch of stupid women want to marry jesus. if that doesn't make you feel really good about your life, well, that sucks because that shit is so sad and so funny. or rather, just really, really weird. and why is that legal? how come, like, 13 woman can marry jesus (take in mind, he sort of died a really long time ago... and i'm talking about 13 woman marring ONE dood... pretty sure thats called polygamy) but two doods can't get married to each other?
Saturday, November 20, 2010
my mom made me dress up as a witch... but it looked so good.
once upon a time, there was this girl who had a mind that was not so kind. this mind, it was a crafty one. the twists and turns led everyone to believe that she was a witch. did i say witch? i meant bitch. ya, a full on bitch. unfortunately, this little child could not see these things... she thought that she was a peach. heres the thing about a witch that is actually a bitch... they will never hear a word you say. in fact, that stupid witch will purposely ignore every word you say if she doesn't like the way it sounds. so this magical witch took every word and turned it with a twist. you will never want a bitch witch to turn your words around in such a stitch. because.... welll fuck... because when that shit happens... your fucked.
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
i guess i am what i am... a fucking freak.
sooo
i could fill an ocean with the tears and vomit i made over the last 5 days or so. i'm bipolar, i guess. and i had to delete some posts because they were really sad, in my opinion. so now i know whats wrong with me... and now i get to go talk to doctors about my favorite subject... ME! oh and, sorry to my roommates, friends and family. all of whom i completely lashed out on these last few days. i'm a jerk.
i could fill an ocean with the tears and vomit i made over the last 5 days or so. i'm bipolar, i guess. and i had to delete some posts because they were really sad, in my opinion. so now i know whats wrong with me... and now i get to go talk to doctors about my favorite subject... ME! oh and, sorry to my roommates, friends and family. all of whom i completely lashed out on these last few days. i'm a jerk.
Friday, November 12, 2010
someone... end this for me.
i'm about to end my 24th year on this planet in a similar way in which i started my 24th year on this planet... completely wrong.
my mom told me that i need to stop making my birthday such a paradoxical time and that i get way to worked up over this shit. she said something like "god, i fucking dreaded your birthdays when you where little. you would just cry and get so upset because someone touched your stuff, or someone went into your room, or someone was not sharing. and 25 years later, you still cry on your birthday about petty shit"
ya. so what. so what that my birthday just so happens to be the most depressing time of the year, as well as the happiest. but truth be told, i just want everyone to be nice to me and shower me with compliments and gold and kitties and the world. is that so much to ask for, the world?
my mom told me that i need to stop making my birthday such a paradoxical time and that i get way to worked up over this shit. she said something like "god, i fucking dreaded your birthdays when you where little. you would just cry and get so upset because someone touched your stuff, or someone went into your room, or someone was not sharing. and 25 years later, you still cry on your birthday about petty shit"
ya. so what. so what that my birthday just so happens to be the most depressing time of the year, as well as the happiest. but truth be told, i just want everyone to be nice to me and shower me with compliments and gold and kitties and the world. is that so much to ask for, the world?
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Sunday, November 7, 2010
nw
today...
i found many mushrooms.
i might have seen a dead person.
i had a fine time with kboo fm.
i did something that will make my winter really rad.
i found the floor under my shit.
i ate a real meal.
i id'ed my mushies.
i watched my home team lose to the only other "home" team i have had.
oh an i got really weird in my mind because i just love this place.
i found many mushrooms.
i might have seen a dead person.
i had a fine time with kboo fm.
i did something that will make my winter really rad.
i found the floor under my shit.
i ate a real meal.
i id'ed my mushies.
i watched my home team lose to the only other "home" team i have had.
oh an i got really weird in my mind because i just love this place.
Saturday, November 6, 2010
the evolution of Houdini
This is the story of how i got my favorite nickname and of the many possible reasons why i just can't say goodbye.
i realized that what they say is true... i hate crowds. i hate parties. i hate going to crowded bars with large groups of people. and i thought that i loved doing these things. but then i realized, i have never liked these things.
it all started at an 80's party at JP's house. the year was... ummm... 2001 maybe... i don't know, but whatever, that's not really all that important. ok, so lisa, kristen, shelby and i went all out! we had really awesome outfits on. lisa's parents have the picture of us in their living room, and i look at it all the time, but i can't remember who was wearing just what. i know there was a shit ton of leather and lace, spandex and bangles, hairspray and lipstick. i was going for punk rocker. i had made my shirt, The Dammed is what i stenciled onto the front, and New Rose on the back because it was my favorite song. i even bought a leather jacket that i jazzed up with studs and patches. i was so stoked about this party!
so we get there and everyone is equally stoked. the party rages on and i realize, after being there for a few hours, that i hated this. i hate that awkward situation when your just standing around and no one is really talking to you and i wasn't just about to try and change that because i really didn't want to talk to anyone anyways. so i started to plan my escape. i wasn't going to just walk out the door, or tell everyone goodbye... that would be way to easy. so i found an unoccupied room - the laundry room- and i pried open a small window and slithered out. at this point, i realize that i'm fucked. i made it out of the house, sure, but i was a minor and minors have curfews and i had to walk home. but i wasn't just about to walk home because i looked like heroin addict/hooker and my house was very far away. so i started walking to lisa's parents house - which is where i was supposed to be staying anyways - and i remember seeing a cop pass me on the road as i was walking down Galveston. nothing happened, i just remember being so fucking scared out of my mind that i was going to get into trouble. i got to lisa's, got into bed, and that was that.
so this became my habit for the rest of my life. and i believe it was that night in which i acquired the nickname "Houdini"
i started slipping out of windows - i decided that since it worked once, i should just do it all the time - at every house party i went to. i never said goodbye, i never even let anyone know that i was unhappy about being there. i would just run anyway, only to spend the rest of my night walking around in the dark, by myself, and this was way better than any party.
10 years later, i do the same thing. only now, i sort of let people know that i'm unhappy before i just disappear. urg, and i don't even want to tell people that much, but sometimes people get scared when someone disappears and they will do weird things, like actually look for you, or call the cops.
so last night. last night. urg. it was a fine night, filled with fine people and fine wine and whatever else. it was just another normal night with my lady friends. at frist, i was super bummed that elise was just watching a movie on her couch. jelousy, i guess. i am always so jelouse. urg. its just that, i wanted to be doing that at my house. i wanted to rent a movie and sit on my couch and eat cheese and drink wine and cry my little peepers out over some stupid julia roberts movie about men and why they suck so much and about how women just suck as much but in a completly different way, but instead i was sitting on elise's couch, watching a movie that i have seen probably 5 times. but then i realized that i actually have never seen the ending of this movie, so i started to get REALLY into it. i can't belive i did not eat the faces off of the two girls sitting next to me, chatting their brains out, like normal friends do when they hang out. wow, i mean, really. i think i am growing up a little bit here because my patience with them was unheard of. i think i asked her to turn it up at one point when it was almost over and i realized that this was the part i had never seen, and elise had JUST turned it down!
wow i just rambled... back to the story....
so the movie ends, i read them the story of my life, written by someone eles, and then we laugh and drink and everyone is ready to go. dane got home, kamron was ready. word up, its power boom time and we are ready to go.
so the bar... its a bar. there no real hotties lurking around to speak of, so i'm pretty much over it at this point. whatever, i'm a good sport for a while. but then i find myself sitting there, digging a very long, twisted, dark tunnel into my heart of my deep limbic system (that's the part of your brain where you store highly charged emotional memories, for all of you dumbos out there) and i realize that this mind-mine-mission i'm on behind my face is, in fact, showing up ON my face. so i have some explaining to do to dane as i frantically collect up all of my shit and nervously pay for the drink i had. basically, i tell him that i need to go hide from everyone for a while. i think i said something like, "ya, i'm feeling emotionally ill and i need to take a break for a minute" and then i got up and ran out the door, in a highly dramatic fashion, and i run. full on sprint, into the wrong direction. i immediately realize this, but i can't turn around because someone might have seen me leave, and i really didn't want to talk to anyone about this, i mean, i broke out into a sprint for that very reason. so i ran around the block and down the street to the bus stop. oh, and i turned my phone off as i was rounding the first corner, this way no one could ever know what the fuck just happened.
i left my phone off until about 2 o'clock today.
i just can't handle that much noise. i have to yell and i lose my voice and i can't hear what anyone is saying. and i don't really give a fuck what anyone is really saying, because i've already heard it because i was probably there or someone else already told me. i would rather just sit in my house and do this. fuck. i would rather make a giant slide and fill a pool full of warm jello and do all the many weird and sticky things that you could do with those two things. it seems like there would be endless possibility's with that.
okay so the story ends like this... i don't like crowds all that much, which scares me because that sounds like a sign of adulthood. i don't like saying goodbye. i don't like endings. see... its true. i can't even end this stupid story properly.
i realized that what they say is true... i hate crowds. i hate parties. i hate going to crowded bars with large groups of people. and i thought that i loved doing these things. but then i realized, i have never liked these things.
it all started at an 80's party at JP's house. the year was... ummm... 2001 maybe... i don't know, but whatever, that's not really all that important. ok, so lisa, kristen, shelby and i went all out! we had really awesome outfits on. lisa's parents have the picture of us in their living room, and i look at it all the time, but i can't remember who was wearing just what. i know there was a shit ton of leather and lace, spandex and bangles, hairspray and lipstick. i was going for punk rocker. i had made my shirt, The Dammed is what i stenciled onto the front, and New Rose on the back because it was my favorite song. i even bought a leather jacket that i jazzed up with studs and patches. i was so stoked about this party!
so we get there and everyone is equally stoked. the party rages on and i realize, after being there for a few hours, that i hated this. i hate that awkward situation when your just standing around and no one is really talking to you and i wasn't just about to try and change that because i really didn't want to talk to anyone anyways. so i started to plan my escape. i wasn't going to just walk out the door, or tell everyone goodbye... that would be way to easy. so i found an unoccupied room - the laundry room- and i pried open a small window and slithered out. at this point, i realize that i'm fucked. i made it out of the house, sure, but i was a minor and minors have curfews and i had to walk home. but i wasn't just about to walk home because i looked like heroin addict/hooker and my house was very far away. so i started walking to lisa's parents house - which is where i was supposed to be staying anyways - and i remember seeing a cop pass me on the road as i was walking down Galveston. nothing happened, i just remember being so fucking scared out of my mind that i was going to get into trouble. i got to lisa's, got into bed, and that was that.
so this became my habit for the rest of my life. and i believe it was that night in which i acquired the nickname "Houdini"
i started slipping out of windows - i decided that since it worked once, i should just do it all the time - at every house party i went to. i never said goodbye, i never even let anyone know that i was unhappy about being there. i would just run anyway, only to spend the rest of my night walking around in the dark, by myself, and this was way better than any party.
10 years later, i do the same thing. only now, i sort of let people know that i'm unhappy before i just disappear. urg, and i don't even want to tell people that much, but sometimes people get scared when someone disappears and they will do weird things, like actually look for you, or call the cops.
so last night. last night. urg. it was a fine night, filled with fine people and fine wine and whatever else. it was just another normal night with my lady friends. at frist, i was super bummed that elise was just watching a movie on her couch. jelousy, i guess. i am always so jelouse. urg. its just that, i wanted to be doing that at my house. i wanted to rent a movie and sit on my couch and eat cheese and drink wine and cry my little peepers out over some stupid julia roberts movie about men and why they suck so much and about how women just suck as much but in a completly different way, but instead i was sitting on elise's couch, watching a movie that i have seen probably 5 times. but then i realized that i actually have never seen the ending of this movie, so i started to get REALLY into it. i can't belive i did not eat the faces off of the two girls sitting next to me, chatting their brains out, like normal friends do when they hang out. wow, i mean, really. i think i am growing up a little bit here because my patience with them was unheard of. i think i asked her to turn it up at one point when it was almost over and i realized that this was the part i had never seen, and elise had JUST turned it down!
wow i just rambled... back to the story....
so the movie ends, i read them the story of my life, written by someone eles, and then we laugh and drink and everyone is ready to go. dane got home, kamron was ready. word up, its power boom time and we are ready to go.
so the bar... its a bar. there no real hotties lurking around to speak of, so i'm pretty much over it at this point. whatever, i'm a good sport for a while. but then i find myself sitting there, digging a very long, twisted, dark tunnel into my heart of my deep limbic system (that's the part of your brain where you store highly charged emotional memories, for all of you dumbos out there) and i realize that this mind-mine-mission i'm on behind my face is, in fact, showing up ON my face. so i have some explaining to do to dane as i frantically collect up all of my shit and nervously pay for the drink i had. basically, i tell him that i need to go hide from everyone for a while. i think i said something like, "ya, i'm feeling emotionally ill and i need to take a break for a minute" and then i got up and ran out the door, in a highly dramatic fashion, and i run. full on sprint, into the wrong direction. i immediately realize this, but i can't turn around because someone might have seen me leave, and i really didn't want to talk to anyone about this, i mean, i broke out into a sprint for that very reason. so i ran around the block and down the street to the bus stop. oh, and i turned my phone off as i was rounding the first corner, this way no one could ever know what the fuck just happened.
i left my phone off until about 2 o'clock today.
i just can't handle that much noise. i have to yell and i lose my voice and i can't hear what anyone is saying. and i don't really give a fuck what anyone is really saying, because i've already heard it because i was probably there or someone else already told me. i would rather just sit in my house and do this. fuck. i would rather make a giant slide and fill a pool full of warm jello and do all the many weird and sticky things that you could do with those two things. it seems like there would be endless possibility's with that.
okay so the story ends like this... i don't like crowds all that much, which scares me because that sounds like a sign of adulthood. i don't like saying goodbye. i don't like endings. see... its true. i can't even end this stupid story properly.
i ran away... sorry, but i'm actually not.
welllllll fuck me.
no, please...
i want you to.
and if not, i understand... no one else does...or, well, wait... ya i get fucked, a lot... by my government ( PS TO ALL OF YOU LAZY CUNTS WHO DID NOT VOTE... YOU CAN NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING!), by my mother trucking computer, my bank account, my self esteem, my digestive system, the children under my bed, the fear i hold for my future, the vomit that i'm trying to keep down, the fucking words i'm swallowing, the blood on my keys because i eat the tips off of my mother fucking fingers. there is blood on the good half of my keyboard. i justify this as the "good" side because the "k" key is on the side of the keyboard in which my blood is spilling. fancy that.
anyways.. what was i complaining about? fuck... who knows. maybe it was about you?!!!!!!!!!!!!! nah... it was probably about me.
my sailing coach said that my confidence is low. why is it that everyone can see though me, yet i have spent the last 20 years tyring to make myself opaque?
i guess its all the soy milk... i should be drinking whole milk from some sad cows-baby-less-tit. urg. i hate this. i do. "don't make this habit a home"
i made my habits my home. i miss my normal life. i use to do laundry. i use to clean things. i use to do things that i don't do now. i use to care... but... i ... mmmmmmm ....... hmmmm.? i guess i care. i mean, sure, ya! i care about the fact that i hate this stupid life i live. why should. i do anything? i don't. maybe that's the problem.
no, please...
i want you to.
and if not, i understand... no one else does...or, well, wait... ya i get fucked, a lot... by my government ( PS TO ALL OF YOU LAZY CUNTS WHO DID NOT VOTE... YOU CAN NOT COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING BECAUSE YOU DID NOT DO ANYTHING!), by my mother trucking computer, my bank account, my self esteem, my digestive system, the children under my bed, the fear i hold for my future, the vomit that i'm trying to keep down, the fucking words i'm swallowing, the blood on my keys because i eat the tips off of my mother fucking fingers. there is blood on the good half of my keyboard. i justify this as the "good" side because the "k" key is on the side of the keyboard in which my blood is spilling. fancy that.
anyways.. what was i complaining about? fuck... who knows. maybe it was about you?!!!!!!!!!!!!! nah... it was probably about me.
my sailing coach said that my confidence is low. why is it that everyone can see though me, yet i have spent the last 20 years tyring to make myself opaque?
i guess its all the soy milk... i should be drinking whole milk from some sad cows-baby-less-tit. urg. i hate this. i do. "don't make this habit a home"
i made my habits my home. i miss my normal life. i use to do laundry. i use to clean things. i use to do things that i don't do now. i use to care... but... i ... mmmmmmm ....... hmmmm.? i guess i care. i mean, sure, ya! i care about the fact that i hate this stupid life i live. why should. i do anything? i don't. maybe that's the problem.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
i have a strong desire to eat nonfoods, which basically means i'm dead.
i stopped writing in here because i'm really busy fucking myself. literally and figuratively. Its like, i don't know, 9ish (which is a huge lie, the "i don't know what time it is" for crying in the night i'm practically writing this lie on a giant, mega smart clock) in the morning, and i just left class to go cry in the bathroom (that's not true either. i left because i thought that i had to do something, but turns out, i don't, but now i don't want to go back because i already left, and that would be sort of weird, which is equally not true because its a class of some 200 students and no one would notice). while i'm giving my eyes a swirly with my tears, i decided that its high time i go back to bed for a while. i think i'm dieing from lack of iron... i'm pretty sure that's what my grandma was tiring to convince our family of when she was dieing... i don't know if that's really a legitimate reason to die though. anyways... my iron deficiency problem... so i looked up the symptoms. and it sounds like... sounds like everyone has this problem. i concocted this assumption based on this one particular symptom:
"A strong desire to eat nonfoods such as ice, paint or dirt. A condition called pica."
who does NOT have this problem. i'm constantly wanting to eat nonfoods, such as acid and molly. A condition called "self medication".
at this point in my morning, i decided that if i'm capable of self diagnosing myself with one disease (or problem, or whatever iron deficiency is), i should be able to do it with other diseases too. so i typed in "symptoms of dil" and before i could type anymore, this giant, mega smart clock (ie the computer) has helped me diagnose myself with something called Dilutional hyponatremia (okay before i go any further, i should say that i was trying to type in "symptoms of delusions" which i was obviously spelling wrong. moreover, there are no signs of delusions, for delusions are actually signs of schizophrenia or some other "i'm-totally-bat-shit-crazy" disease).
Here are the symptoms for Dilutional hyponatremia:
fatigue, irritability, nausea, vomiting, restlessness, loss of appetite, headache, altered mental status, hallucination, impaired consciousness, confusion, muscle weakness, muscle spasms, muscle cramps.
So basically, this another disease that most of the people i know have. Dilutional hyponatremia is just a more educated way of telling people that your "wickedly hungover" from the well know condition called "self medication".
Speaking of being "wickedly hungover" from "self medication", i did not suffer from these diseases this fine Halloween weekend. i did however manage to get away with being naked. more on that later... when i have more pictures.
"A strong desire to eat nonfoods such as ice, paint or dirt. A condition called pica."
who does NOT have this problem. i'm constantly wanting to eat nonfoods, such as acid and molly. A condition called "self medication".
at this point in my morning, i decided that if i'm capable of self diagnosing myself with one disease (or problem, or whatever iron deficiency is), i should be able to do it with other diseases too. so i typed in "symptoms of dil" and before i could type anymore, this giant, mega smart clock (ie the computer) has helped me diagnose myself with something called Dilutional hyponatremia (okay before i go any further, i should say that i was trying to type in "symptoms of delusions" which i was obviously spelling wrong. moreover, there are no signs of delusions, for delusions are actually signs of schizophrenia or some other "i'm-totally-bat-shit-crazy" disease).
Here are the symptoms for Dilutional hyponatremia:
fatigue, irritability, nausea, vomiting, restlessness, loss of appetite, headache, altered mental status, hallucination, impaired consciousness, confusion, muscle weakness, muscle spasms, muscle cramps.
So basically, this another disease that most of the people i know have. Dilutional hyponatremia is just a more educated way of telling people that your "wickedly hungover" from the well know condition called "self medication".
Speaking of being "wickedly hungover" from "self medication", i did not suffer from these diseases this fine Halloween weekend. i did however manage to get away with being naked. more on that later... when i have more pictures.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
thank someone or something. cuzzzz i don't know who to address...
so things are okay. i guess. here's whats up... i fell in like with an idiot. i gave up on life. i decided that both of these things were very bad. i didn't stop. i started taking bath/showers because i want to be a junkie, only i don't. i got into trouble, i'm still in trouble. i lied my ass off to the people that i care the most about... that is partially why i got into trouble.
but none of this matters.
HERE ARE THE THINGS I KNOW:
1)what matters most is that i realized something very important in my life... i hate everyone. even the people i love, i hate. jealousy is a shade i wear too well. (and by hate, i mean... mildly get annoyed at.)
2) i'm breezily confident that i have been roofied for the last 10 years of my life and now i just woke up to realize that i am a slave to the love that i have never had, but have read about ( and by this, i mean i am a bit lost in my ambitions.)
3) i'm drastically certain that i am crazy. (this one is straightforward.)
4) i'm sadly aware and am a complete sloth to the fact that i gave up. (ya dido on this one... pretty straightforward... or maybe... maybe its just that i'm confused... that shoe fits my foot a little better than the last one.)
but i'm stoked for the fact that i make all these problems my problems. i would have no problems if i wasn't making them for myself, so i can't really feel bad about it. i'm just doing it to myself. but what else would i be doing?
"I'm not here to make friends" is what you will here many reality tv stars say. but where and when are you anywhere in which you plan on making friends? or in a place where you plan on not making friends? why plan on things like this? i don't know. but i know that i have the best friends i could have ever wished for. and sometimes, when you have the best, its hard to think that there might be others out there that could be equally radical.
its crazy that people make relationships with each other and they actually do care. i meet these fucking random people, and i actually care about them. which drives me absolutely batty. it just makes me worried that i'm getting old. because i am. fuck. whatever that means (getting old) i don't know... thank someone or something for that.
Saturday, October 16, 2010
rad message from phil (not roommate phil).
"Yo Stine... What up? uhh it is me, okay, so we cleared that up.
umm, ya i don't know if you should, ya know, roll onto someones backyard, into someones backyard. i think that's called trespassing. but uh, ya know, mushrooms are great, so who cares... DO IT.
and ummm, ya. so i really don't know what to say.
i'm doing good, thank you for... sort of caring.
umm and i'll talk to you later. feel free to give me a call.
alright.
bye"
umm, ya i don't know if you should, ya know, roll onto someones backyard, into someones backyard. i think that's called trespassing. but uh, ya know, mushrooms are great, so who cares... DO IT.
and ummm, ya. so i really don't know what to say.
i'm doing good, thank you for... sort of caring.
umm and i'll talk to you later. feel free to give me a call.
alright.
bye"
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
i don't know what's happening with me
these last nine posts are brought to you by the letter R for ramble on because that is what i was doing when i wrote these. i take it that i never posted these, because, they don't make any sense and i was mostly not going anywhere with them. there happens to be no plot. is there ever?
i never edited them. there is no plot. these don't make sense. why did i do these things? i can't tell you because i don't know.
why does anyone do anything? god, really? i think some don't think. sometimes i don't think, sure. i'm not perfect. i know that. i can look around my room/closet/library/craftroom/storagelocker/mindlocker/prison-of-earthquake-sure-death/sleepzone/ect. and tell you how imperfect i am. but at least i use my fucking common sense on a daily basis. ultimately, people are lazy, yet they want these things in their lives, so they have to come up with some other way to archive their wants and needs. if this new life path involves stepping on some toes and spilling a few cups of milk at the dinner table, so fucking be it. but that sucks and its not fair. but who cares? i mean, i do. i care. but that's about all. and what is that? caring with no action? i guess i'm just as bad as everyone else.
R A M B L E O N (AiLg- that's going to be a cool one!!!)
i never edited them. there is no plot. these don't make sense. why did i do these things? i can't tell you because i don't know.
why does anyone do anything? god, really? i think some don't think. sometimes i don't think, sure. i'm not perfect. i know that. i can look around my room/closet/library/craftroom/storagelocker/mindlocker/prison-of-earthquake-sure-death/sleepzone/ect. and tell you how imperfect i am. but at least i use my fucking common sense on a daily basis. ultimately, people are lazy, yet they want these things in their lives, so they have to come up with some other way to archive their wants and needs. if this new life path involves stepping on some toes and spilling a few cups of milk at the dinner table, so fucking be it. but that sucks and its not fair. but who cares? i mean, i do. i care. but that's about all. and what is that? caring with no action? i guess i'm just as bad as everyone else.
R A M B L E O N (AiLg- that's going to be a cool one!!!)
10/1
"Scorpios may have characteristics of being mysterious, aggressiveness, agitated, angry, committed, compulsive, deep, skeptical, determined, discerning, emotional, fearful, forceful, imaginative, inflexible, intense, intuitive, jealous, loyal, magnetic, obsessive, passionate, having a preoccupation with sex, sarcastic, persistent, powerful, resentful, secretive, seductive, sensitive, sexy, judgmental, suspicious, uncertain, self mastery, unforgiving, unpredictable, vindictive and willful."
i'm sorry, but couldn't you say that about any fucking idiot on this planet? who does not love to get preoccupied by sex? okay no actually, i put this up here because i think its funny and sort of true.
i'm sorry, but couldn't you say that about any fucking idiot on this planet? who does not love to get preoccupied by sex? okay no actually, i put this up here because i think its funny and sort of true.
9/30
last night made me count the many ways that i love this pretty little city of lights... and i ran out of fingers. fucking serious, constantly surrounded by friends, old and new, good music, good food, good times. and then i woke up and i had a present that is making my foggy, cold morning sooooo perfect. what is it about this year that feels so much better than last year? that is a rhetorical question because i actually know what the difference is.
9/29
i like the notion of the solidarity in the ocean. i only do yoga in my bed, when i am alone, sleeping. so that is to say that i adjust my body into different positions while i toss and turn though out the night. the rest is my rest.
anyways. school. my camera broke. school. school. uurrrhhh. school... i do so much love it. i really do. i think i really enjoyed the feeling of fucking myself all of last year. it was sooo good. and it was good because it was bad. if you put a bucket of water over a cracked door, with the hopes that your foe would fall for the trap, but you actually forgot that you did this, and you end up walking though the door, and all this shit falls onto you... that was my entire last year, every day. fucking myself.
strange-musty-yum-time-city-in-which-the-hills-have-no-eyes. your not that bad.
anyways. school. my camera broke. school. school. uurrrhhh. school... i do so much love it. i really do. i think i really enjoyed the feeling of fucking myself all of last year. it was sooo good. and it was good because it was bad. if you put a bucket of water over a cracked door, with the hopes that your foe would fall for the trap, but you actually forgot that you did this, and you end up walking though the door, and all this shit falls onto you... that was my entire last year, every day. fucking myself.
strange-musty-yum-time-city-in-which-the-hills-have-no-eyes. your not that bad.
9/25
i'm in love with a Canadian named dustin. (that is to say that i am in love with the spontaneity of life). i should just jump out of a plane. again.
on friday night, i flirt with strange ideas on the internet. i make meat in a crook pot. master mate. i listen to music, that of which makes my mind master mate. so i fuck my mind with a little more stimulation... if only the world ran the way i chased it. but i'm tiered of running. so i go to sleep. i wake up about 4 hours later, just in time to eat my food and receive a few "after the party" phone calls.
i talk to my friends on the phone at 2 in the morning about how boy's suck. or they should suck more, if you know what i mean. and then i watch the twilight zone. forever. because, at this point, i'm living in the fucking twilight zone. you bet your ass i sat around at some point and cried about how awesome my life is, too.
on friday night, i flirt with strange ideas on the internet. i make meat in a crook pot. master mate. i listen to music, that of which makes my mind master mate. so i fuck my mind with a little more stimulation... if only the world ran the way i chased it. but i'm tiered of running. so i go to sleep. i wake up about 4 hours later, just in time to eat my food and receive a few "after the party" phone calls.
i talk to my friends on the phone at 2 in the morning about how boy's suck. or they should suck more, if you know what i mean. and then i watch the twilight zone. forever. because, at this point, i'm living in the fucking twilight zone. you bet your ass i sat around at some point and cried about how awesome my life is, too.
9/16
wow. what a week.
lets just focus on the last two days, shall we?
yesterday i went on a 6 hour bike/hike with my father in the middle of the desert. i joked about rabbit holes and how i was going to find mushrooms underneath all the cow pies and i was going to fall into one of these rabbit holes and fucking trip out on cow pie psychedelics. later i would find out that there are lots of bagger holes that i could fall into and i actually didn't need any mushrooms to trip way out of this fucking world. all i needed was total lack of everything. no people, no cars, no buildings, no roads, no unnatural sounds. just myself, in the desert. that shit gets you high.
ig and al are cat calling raccoons outside of my second story living room window. i should tell them that they need to raccoon call them, not cat call them.
lets just focus on the last two days, shall we?
yesterday i went on a 6 hour bike/hike with my father in the middle of the desert. i joked about rabbit holes and how i was going to find mushrooms underneath all the cow pies and i was going to fall into one of these rabbit holes and fucking trip out on cow pie psychedelics. later i would find out that there are lots of bagger holes that i could fall into and i actually didn't need any mushrooms to trip way out of this fucking world. all i needed was total lack of everything. no people, no cars, no buildings, no roads, no unnatural sounds. just myself, in the desert. that shit gets you high.
ig and al are cat calling raccoons outside of my second story living room window. i should tell them that they need to raccoon call them, not cat call them.
9/12
oh yes. i am just a young, sad, lost soul. i want you and i hate you. i hate you and that is the only reason i want you.
are you kidding me? no i hate this shit. why i even open my lungs to take one more fucking stupid breath of this thin, unfair air...i just don't know.
Goldy Han told me that i have wonderful head of hair. i told her it was my hair, this hair. she laughed.
i walked away with my trail of animals in tow. i can't wait to get back to my filthy river. i want to sail away.
are you kidding me? no i hate this shit. why i even open my lungs to take one more fucking stupid breath of this thin, unfair air...i just don't know.
Goldy Han told me that i have wonderful head of hair. i told her it was my hair, this hair. she laughed.
i walked away with my trail of animals in tow. i can't wait to get back to my filthy river. i want to sail away.
9/11
i'm so happy that.
that i would be happy enough to say that i am happy about that.
i'm sappy from climbing trees on the tops of mountains.
i'm going to leave this world. visit another.
i use to make these rash decisions about everything. some habits are hard to shake.
so sick. so icky stuck on this fucking sickness. i am tied up in knots.
i just heard someone say " your daughter has a crush blah.. blah..."
is it a teacher? asks my mother.
i just fucking sit in my room and think about how i just want to dive into some sort of milk bath. i want your milk on my skin.
that i would be happy enough to say that i am happy about that.
i'm sappy from climbing trees on the tops of mountains.
i'm going to leave this world. visit another.
i use to make these rash decisions about everything. some habits are hard to shake.
so sick. so icky stuck on this fucking sickness. i am tied up in knots.
i just heard someone say " your daughter has a crush blah.. blah..."
is it a teacher? asks my mother.
i just fucking sit in my room and think about how i just want to dive into some sort of milk bath. i want your milk on my skin.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Science is so cool, it’s hot.
Never did I see this day. The day that I realized that shuffling through thousands of pages of organic chemistry information while under the influence of “gods green earth” and techno-pop, just to figure out the degree of unsaturation on cholesterol, was a really good time.
Thursday, September 30, 2010
i try but i want to die. that is a lie.
the way i move my legs, you would think i was on meth.
urgh. try... dissatisfaction.
urgh. i feel like you mean nothing to me. and i know it.
urgh. i feel as though i have never been happier.
urgh. what the fuck is wrong with me?
insert heart and remove mind.
insert everything that i have never known and remove everything that i have ever known.
o. and i am just going to end my life with this plastic knife.
fuck me.
it might feel right, in the dead of my sleepless leg twitching. twitch t w i t
urgh. try... dissatisfaction.
urgh. i feel like you mean nothing to me. and i know it.
urgh. i feel as though i have never been happier.
urgh. what the fuck is wrong with me?
insert heart and remove mind.
insert everything that i have never known and remove everything that i have ever known.
o. and i am just going to end my life with this plastic knife.
fuck me.
it might feel right, in the dead of my sleepless leg twitching. twitch t w i t
Wednesday, September 29, 2010
stop with the...
errrg. I'm making sure that i don't sleep.
people are strange when they deny the science that is everything.
i hate you liberal art majors.
i hate you fucking science geeks, but
i have you, me, in my hands and your not falling into a category.
i i i i i i i i i i i i need to get over myself.
people are strange when they deny the science that is everything.
i hate you liberal art majors.
i hate you fucking science geeks, but
i have you, me, in my hands and your not falling into a category.
i i i i i i i i i i i i need to get over myself.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
the procession of black and white
geez i just cant get enough... i want my board and a blanket for this BEACH HOUSE
i think that men and woman should be forced to hang out with each other, even when they think better. because it is better. i could sit and listen to a bunch of vagina whine over wine for the rest of my life, don't get me wrong, but there is something very informative and funny about sitting down with a dick. and i did not say "sitting down on a dick"
next, we ate food and drank fine things.
life drummed on like the procession that it is.
i think that men and woman should be forced to hang out with each other, even when they think better. because it is better. i could sit and listen to a bunch of vagina whine over wine for the rest of my life, don't get me wrong, but there is something very informative and funny about sitting down with a dick. and i did not say "sitting down on a dick"
i sat on the back of something with a dick. his name is phil. no, he is not my roommate. he is just a boy that i find to be fun. we hung out and got high on drugs. ing was there too. we laughed about whales, played drums, played internet, played each other, laughed about boys and about girls. phil took his shirt off. that is when i sat on him. i told him to put a belt into his mouth so that i could ride him like the stallion that he is.here is a photo.
life drummed on like the procession that it is.
come to me ( "or in me" is what i should have said)
grrrrr. i'm trying really hard to make my life hard. or easy. so live with me. here is my plea for money...
eat my shorts (or the stuff inside)
"Live with us because we want you in our semi hot/cold house.
3 bedroom, 1 bath, relatively large backyard, garage storage and basement storage with washer and dyer. Rent includes all utilities (cable internet/TV, electricity, washer and dyer, etc.).
I am a 24 year old female botany student at Portland State University. I sail boats, snowboard, surf, listen to music that I consider to be pretty dope. My roommate has lived in this house for 3 years and he is a 27 year old male who has recently graduated college. When not working, my fellow living companion enjoys skiing, running in organized events, and drinking beer that I have never heard of. We consider ourselves to be consumers of fine cheese, but we are also relatively poor.
Some cool things to consider....
-very close proximity to Mt. Tabor and all it's splendor
-Montavilla bars/restaurants/coffee shops
-bus lines that take you to where you want to go (the 15 stops at our door)
-MAX stations that you can bike/walk to
We would like a roommate that has money enough to pay rent on time, one that will not steal our stuff, one that will be considerate and yet understanding. We keep a tight ship; clean kitchen, clean bathroom, and clean living room. Your room is your room... do what you will but if you fuck it up... well I guess we will cross that bridge if need be… which means that will never happen.
We both have busy schedules and we want a roommate that is going to be occupied with realistic life stuff… such as education or work. We are chill. We want chill. We party, but not so much at our house. We are very active… rain or shine. Camping, surfing, snowboarding, skiing, running, biking, hiking, mind-time-space warping. We want it all and we want someone who is not mad at the world… because we are happy people."
eat my shorts (or the stuff inside)
"Live with us because we want you in our semi hot/cold house.
3 bedroom, 1 bath, relatively large backyard, garage storage and basement storage with washer and dyer. Rent includes all utilities (cable internet/TV, electricity, washer and dyer, etc.).
I am a 24 year old female botany student at Portland State University. I sail boats, snowboard, surf, listen to music that I consider to be pretty dope. My roommate has lived in this house for 3 years and he is a 27 year old male who has recently graduated college. When not working, my fellow living companion enjoys skiing, running in organized events, and drinking beer that I have never heard of. We consider ourselves to be consumers of fine cheese, but we are also relatively poor.
Some cool things to consider....
-very close proximity to Mt. Tabor and all it's splendor
-Montavilla bars/restaurants/coffee shops
-bus lines that take you to where you want to go (the 15 stops at our door)
-MAX stations that you can bike/walk to
We would like a roommate that has money enough to pay rent on time, one that will not steal our stuff, one that will be considerate and yet understanding. We keep a tight ship; clean kitchen, clean bathroom, and clean living room. Your room is your room... do what you will but if you fuck it up... well I guess we will cross that bridge if need be… which means that will never happen.
We both have busy schedules and we want a roommate that is going to be occupied with realistic life stuff… such as education or work. We are chill. We want chill. We party, but not so much at our house. We are very active… rain or shine. Camping, surfing, snowboarding, skiing, running, biking, hiking, mind-time-space warping. We want it all and we want someone who is not mad at the world… because we are happy people."
as i walk down memory lane...
Goodness... the things you find.
Apparently I was on a nice roll... like a little blue ball, rolling down a hill of unfulfilled pleasure. here's one from the vault...
"oh my god, kristine. what the fuck?????????
here i am, right here, right now. but you can probably imagine that i am neither here, nor now. i am walking with my dragon in the deep dark woods. i have pets. unfortunately, i am a pet myself.
but to be alone.... to be alone? errrrgh! i have been tricked! tricked by the dick. one, or two, or, who fucking cares"
okay... for one... what is this dragon bullshit??? who am i? that is not me? really... who came up with this? i mean, i know that i did, but seriously, that is stupid shit right there. dragons. come on now.
Apparently I was on a nice roll... like a little blue ball, rolling down a hill of unfulfilled pleasure. here's one from the vault...
"oh my god, kristine. what the fuck?????????
here i am, right here, right now. but you can probably imagine that i am neither here, nor now. i am walking with my dragon in the deep dark woods. i have pets. unfortunately, i am a pet myself.
but to be alone.... to be alone? errrrgh! i have been tricked! tricked by the dick. one, or two, or, who fucking cares"
okay... for one... what is this dragon bullshit??? who am i? that is not me? really... who came up with this? i mean, i know that i did, but seriously, that is stupid shit right there. dragons. come on now.
i'm dieing to live (as a naked sprout)
i was at the gynaecologist today for a few hours. i spent about 45 minutes of those few hours in a cold, naked, confused state. no one was around. i was all alone. just hanging out, in a huge napkin, sitting on a little doggy pee pad on top of a cold plastic table. good think i had Steinbeck's the pearl to read. which just made me sort of sad and even more confused.
i got a shot today and when i really started to analyze the consequences of it, i started to cry. i sat on the couch and told my roommate, whom i have only known for one year, that i was worried about dieing of cancer in the next 20 years because i got this shot. and its not just one shot, it will be, eventually, 3 shots. so i started to let my eyes well up. he told me to chill. he is sort of a doctor, after all. but... FUCK. what is this? what is this serum in my body? it's supposed to help me be more of a slut and less of a reasonable, worried, fucking crazy lame adult. learn more about how science is dieing to save me.
i went to the dentist today. she told me that my tooth pain is probably because i clench my jaw. i told her that i did not. as i sit here and type, i realize i clench my jaw. like, really, really bad.
so i sat around naked in a public office, got injected with drugs that make me worry for my unknown future, was told of how i live my life, and to top it off, the brussels sprouts that i picked in the brussels-sprout-cook-off did not win, even though they should have.
i got a shot today and when i really started to analyze the consequences of it, i started to cry. i sat on the couch and told my roommate, whom i have only known for one year, that i was worried about dieing of cancer in the next 20 years because i got this shot. and its not just one shot, it will be, eventually, 3 shots. so i started to let my eyes well up. he told me to chill. he is sort of a doctor, after all. but... FUCK. what is this? what is this serum in my body? it's supposed to help me be more of a slut and less of a reasonable, worried, fucking crazy lame adult. learn more about how science is dieing to save me.
i went to the dentist today. she told me that my tooth pain is probably because i clench my jaw. i told her that i did not. as i sit here and type, i realize i clench my jaw. like, really, really bad.
so i sat around naked in a public office, got injected with drugs that make me worry for my unknown future, was told of how i live my life, and to top it off, the brussels sprouts that i picked in the brussels-sprout-cook-off did not win, even though they should have.
K-Rabs for Americans on the go in the need of vitamin D
i tried to give everyone crabs. watch how i fail at giving everyone crabs. i need a K-Rad... maybe i can give one of them K-Rabs.
but before you go to toms page to look at all the snazzy photos he took, you should read my words...
we went on a sailing trip. we drove to a boat. we drove onto the boat. we talked about sailing and about sex with other sailors. we drank and we smoked and we had no wind. so we made up games. we made up a show. I'm a lion/eagle/ring tailed-lemur. i won. i won again. i won a lot. i am undefeated. we shall see how long that lasts. i was a princess in a tower on top on a mountain. we were asked to leave. i am still a princess. we drank more. we sailed less. some did not sail. we stayed undefeated. hahaha. i drank more. to went home. the end. toms story is better...
YUM TIME FOR YOUR EYES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! click this shit, OKAY, just do it.
... go to Tom's page, he is cool and he will not give you viruses or crabs or K-Rabs.
plus, tom has all the cool videos and pictures from our trip.
Monday, September 20, 2010
krusty punx, "i just want my drunk body taken care of by a hot man"
it is so true. i feel like self induced shit. and i want a hot body on mine. one hot, little, tight man body. on me.
i forget that i am trying to accomplish things in my life. it is monday and it feels like friday. that right there... ya that is a problem.
someone, please, bring me red velvet cupcakes, chili relleno and a young man to pet me.
i forget that i am trying to accomplish things in my life. it is monday and it feels like friday. that right there... ya that is a problem.
someone, please, bring me red velvet cupcakes, chili relleno and a young man to pet me.
bend over and edit this shit
chip, i'm all jacked up on mt. dew.
Canada and i are like Katie and Russell. we are just too right for each other.
too bad i was just in Washington.
well, it's like this... i am a bird. i am a cat. i am a ring tailed lemur. i am a lion head with lion paws and wings of an eagle and the hind quarters of a ring tailed lemur. i have friends who will fight you. they are just as fucking crazy as i am.
(((i have a new idea for my blog. i will put scattered horseshit in parentheses. that way, you will not get distracted with my distractions. that is to say that i will be editing this shit a little bit.
which brings up a good point... i ramble a lot. so i understand why you would never want to read this. so i shall try to make things easier for you simpletons.)))
Canada and i are like Katie and Russell. we are just too right for each other.
too bad i was just in Washington.
well, it's like this... i am a bird. i am a cat. i am a ring tailed lemur. i am a lion head with lion paws and wings of an eagle and the hind quarters of a ring tailed lemur. i have friends who will fight you. they are just as fucking crazy as i am.
(((i have a new idea for my blog. i will put scattered horseshit in parentheses. that way, you will not get distracted with my distractions. that is to say that i will be editing this shit a little bit.
which brings up a good point... i ramble a lot. so i understand why you would never want to read this. so i shall try to make things easier for you simpletons.)))
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
these fuckers... they make me so happy.
i have a lovely little family... see for yourself. yummy little family snacks!!!!!!!!!!!
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Monday, September 13, 2010
unfinished adult
this article made me so happy. i am so happy right now. i feel really good about my life all of a sudden.
read this and everything will make sense.
I'm an unfinished adult.
(thanks ig)
read this and everything will make sense.
I'm an unfinished adult.
(thanks ig)
Thursday, September 9, 2010
surgery in space with a jelly bean and a butterfly
i changed my religion last night because i had no other choice. which is a huge lie. i'm a huge liar. fuck. who cares.
can anyone follow me? i sure as fuck can't.
anyways, who cares.
Here's an abridged story of what happened next...
"Doctors don't pull people over who are smiling and laughing" is what my accomplice said after he joked about my ash tray filled with butterflies and jellybean kisses.
"Hahaha... ya.... umm. um. that doctor just spun around Uranus" is what i belted out while i thought about how my spaceship smells like butterflies and jelly bean kisses.
"oh my Venus, oh my Venus. they want to dock!"
"its fine, you did nothing wrong."
"ummm. ya, my tags are expired, but not really."
whatever happened in the next few seconds, i was not sure of, time travel in space can make the mind forgetful. but later on, someone smelled the butterflies and jellybean kisses. i'm diabetic and allergic to insects, so i really had no idea what the fuck this young buck was tyring to infer.
but i did find one jelly bean, and i told the Dr. to show that bean the place in which no sun shines. which is a lie. i'm a huge liar. instead, he wanted to look at the interior of my spaceship. i told him there was nowhere to dock. never tell someone with a "station" that you "can not dock" because it will never work. the Dr. docked and i went off to another planet for the next 10 to 30 light years.
They found a toy lightsaber. they found the jelly beans and butterflies. they had no one better to dock.
i told the Dr. (plural, at this point; 2 Dr. and 1 surgeon) that i was not who they thought. no white space rocks here in this ship-of-space. i told them that i sail vessels across the galaxy and i showed them my badges and metals of honor. i spoke of great adventures in the concrete jungle and how i was part of the third best group of women warriors in this dimension of the galaxy. they told me to step it up... no more jelly bean kisses and butterflies if i wanted to be #1. i think i disagree. i know i disagree.
at this point, we laughed about youth and the ways of the world in which no one was "in-touch" with. we talked about jelly beans and butterflies. we talked about doctors in other galaxies. they told me to lie to a cop and make "it" give me a "cheat sheet" so that i could keep my beans and flies next time.
shortly after, they told me that i needed to change my religion.
mazel tov.
can anyone follow me? i sure as fuck can't.
anyways, who cares.
Here's an abridged story of what happened next...
"Doctors don't pull people over who are smiling and laughing" is what my accomplice said after he joked about my ash tray filled with butterflies and jellybean kisses.
"Hahaha... ya.... umm. um. that doctor just spun around Uranus" is what i belted out while i thought about how my spaceship smells like butterflies and jelly bean kisses.
"oh my Venus, oh my Venus. they want to dock!"
"its fine, you did nothing wrong."
"ummm. ya, my tags are expired, but not really."
whatever happened in the next few seconds, i was not sure of, time travel in space can make the mind forgetful. but later on, someone smelled the butterflies and jellybean kisses. i'm diabetic and allergic to insects, so i really had no idea what the fuck this young buck was tyring to infer.
but i did find one jelly bean, and i told the Dr. to show that bean the place in which no sun shines. which is a lie. i'm a huge liar. instead, he wanted to look at the interior of my spaceship. i told him there was nowhere to dock. never tell someone with a "station" that you "can not dock" because it will never work. the Dr. docked and i went off to another planet for the next 10 to 30 light years.
They found a toy lightsaber. they found the jelly beans and butterflies. they had no one better to dock.
i told the Dr. (plural, at this point; 2 Dr. and 1 surgeon) that i was not who they thought. no white space rocks here in this ship-of-space. i told them that i sail vessels across the galaxy and i showed them my badges and metals of honor. i spoke of great adventures in the concrete jungle and how i was part of the third best group of women warriors in this dimension of the galaxy. they told me to step it up... no more jelly bean kisses and butterflies if i wanted to be #1. i think i disagree. i know i disagree.
at this point, we laughed about youth and the ways of the world in which no one was "in-touch" with. we talked about jelly beans and butterflies. we talked about doctors in other galaxies. they told me to lie to a cop and make "it" give me a "cheat sheet" so that i could keep my beans and flies next time.
shortly after, they told me that i needed to change my religion.
 |
| sea shell / bird nest / dr.saidsmokethis / detective smack on the face |
mazel tov.
image that all the people... were slices of duck meat.
I went on an adventure. one into my mind. and i found out that i really love it there and i might just spend more time in that place, but if you ever find that i have gone there permanently, please, PLEASE, pull the plug.
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
other places that i have come to know and love, oh so much, include the woods, the ocean, my home town... ahhhhhh my little place in the sun. too fucking bad it keeps raining. seriously, Mother, what are you trying to do to me here? i think "its" tyring to tell me that i need to eat more mushrooms and spend less time watching the news.
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
okay so i walked into the woods the other night and i found out that i should probably stop smoking drugs that make me freak-the-fuck-out in the woods in the middle of the night. really... is anyone going to fall from the sky and take my heart right out of my chest and eat it in front of me? maybe.
some would disagree.
one thing that is true is that i did like it. being afraid of the dark. i should probably just run away intodewilde.
hahaha sorry.... sometimes i go overboard with that one.
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
why are people scared of what they can't see, yet at the same time, they put every stitch of faith that they have in the whole wide world on something they can't see?!?!?!?! i would never let anyone tell me that something doesn't exist because i can not see it with my puny, naked, meager eye. that is just silly. science can hold your hand though that one. but what about your imagination? what if you could hold it in your hand! what if it was something that surrounded your body, as well as your mind. where is the Magic School Bus when you need it?
someone come... make this duck fly away.
no one would get anything done without that one. an imagination. imagine, if no one could imagine anything?! you can't imagine it, can you?
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
other places that i have come to know and love, oh so much, include the woods, the ocean, my home town... ahhhhhh my little place in the sun. too fucking bad it keeps raining. seriously, Mother, what are you trying to do to me here? i think "its" tyring to tell me that i need to eat more mushrooms and spend less time watching the news.
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
okay so i walked into the woods the other night and i found out that i should probably stop smoking drugs that make me freak-the-fuck-out in the woods in the middle of the night. really... is anyone going to fall from the sky and take my heart right out of my chest and eat it in front of me? maybe.
some would disagree.
one thing that is true is that i did like it. being afraid of the dark. i should probably just run away intodewilde.
hahaha sorry.... sometimes i go overboard with that one.
nevermind that. there is a duck in a box in the box that i am in.
why are people scared of what they can't see, yet at the same time, they put every stitch of faith that they have in the whole wide world on something they can't see?!?!?!?! i would never let anyone tell me that something doesn't exist because i can not see it with my puny, naked, meager eye. that is just silly. science can hold your hand though that one. but what about your imagination? what if you could hold it in your hand! what if it was something that surrounded your body, as well as your mind. where is the Magic School Bus when you need it?
someone come... make this duck fly away.
no one would get anything done without that one. an imagination. imagine, if no one could imagine anything?! you can't imagine it, can you?
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
kool aid is here, bringing you fun but life is a puzzle so fucking figure it out.
"oh yea" i'm going to storm through the walls of your mind, like a mega huge injection of teeth rotting, corporate American blood sucking, "drag-cula", "un-Kool-Aid" serum of dehydration. okay, ya, dramatization. but wait... i think this one is good.
remember when you were 13 and you got all this stupid bull shit in your email account that said "whatever you do, you can not scroll down, unless... unless you stand on your head and drink 9.325 gallons of Kool aid though your eyes... blah blah blah blah..."
well... don't fucking scroll down. at least until you take my quiz.
Questions:
#1. What is this?
#2. What is this?
Answers:
#1. If you said that it looks like a mushroom, you are correct. it sure does look like a mushroom. but that does not mean you answered the question correctly. it is, in fact, a drawing of glass knife.
#2. If you said that it looks like a penis, you are correct. it sure does look like a penis. but that does not mean you answered the question correctly. it is, in fact, a drawing of a glass knife, turned upside down.
knife hits.
that's not even the funniest part.
the funniest part about this is that i had never done a knife hit... i think... and i was acting like we were going to burn a hole in my kitchen floor. as if it were acid and i lived in a 1,000 story apartment building and my downstairs neighbors were people of a church, who in which saved baby orphan human centipedes.
that's not even the funniest part, actually.
the funniest part about this is that i drank a four loco with ash two nights prior and the only thing that would work for this very high school age activity was a four loco can. i used a kitchen knife to saw the can in half.
knife hits are totally awesome.
and... even better, I'm not the only one who thinks this way. hence the drawings. those stunning, awe inspiring drawings. true artistry. people love their knife hits. they actually make things that aid in this sort of tasty wondrous delinquency. ie the glass knifes... ( i thought that i should make that clear for you all... or just make you more confused. whatever. life is a puzzle, figure it out. oh shit. that's a good one. i'm going to use that more. stoked. i'm stoked on that one right there. fuck, sometimes i just think i might be on to something.)
really. can you imagine the people i know? they make me feel normal, which makes me feel weird. oh strange. it is what it is.
on a side note...
i made my mom smile. i'm good at that.
how do you win the love of a parent? yell into a conch. i couldn't figure it out. my mom was "loling" i was fucking "loling" holy shit. that is funny. you wanna laugh like a fucking clown on ecstasy, try to make a song with a conch shell.
hey... do you get idiot-out-of-your-mind-crazy-hot-and-thirsty when you skateboard? cause i fucking do. my friend, kool aid, he is the mother fucking tits shit! oh yea. our fucking friend is KOOL
remember when you were 13 and you got all this stupid bull shit in your email account that said "whatever you do, you can not scroll down, unless... unless you stand on your head and drink 9.325 gallons of Kool aid though your eyes... blah blah blah blah..."
well... don't fucking scroll down. at least until you take my quiz.
Questions:
#1. What is this?
Answers:
#1. If you said that it looks like a mushroom, you are correct. it sure does look like a mushroom. but that does not mean you answered the question correctly. it is, in fact, a drawing of glass knife.
#2. If you said that it looks like a penis, you are correct. it sure does look like a penis. but that does not mean you answered the question correctly. it is, in fact, a drawing of a glass knife, turned upside down.
knife hits.
that's not even the funniest part.
the funniest part about this is that i had never done a knife hit... i think... and i was acting like we were going to burn a hole in my kitchen floor. as if it were acid and i lived in a 1,000 story apartment building and my downstairs neighbors were people of a church, who in which saved baby orphan human centipedes.
that's not even the funniest part, actually.
the funniest part about this is that i drank a four loco with ash two nights prior and the only thing that would work for this very high school age activity was a four loco can. i used a kitchen knife to saw the can in half.
knife hits are totally awesome.
and... even better, I'm not the only one who thinks this way. hence the drawings. those stunning, awe inspiring drawings. true artistry. people love their knife hits. they actually make things that aid in this sort of tasty wondrous delinquency. ie the glass knifes... ( i thought that i should make that clear for you all... or just make you more confused. whatever. life is a puzzle, figure it out. oh shit. that's a good one. i'm going to use that more. stoked. i'm stoked on that one right there. fuck, sometimes i just think i might be on to something.)
really. can you imagine the people i know? they make me feel normal, which makes me feel weird. oh strange. it is what it is.
on a side note...
i made my mom smile. i'm good at that.
how do you win the love of a parent? yell into a conch. i couldn't figure it out. my mom was "loling" i was fucking "loling" holy shit. that is funny. you wanna laugh like a fucking clown on ecstasy, try to make a song with a conch shell.
hey... do you get idiot-out-of-your-mind-crazy-hot-and-thirsty when you skateboard? cause i fucking do. my friend, kool aid, he is the mother fucking tits shit! oh yea. our fucking friend is KOOL
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Follow Fashion; Act Normal.
This girl does not do those things. One day, like, i don't know, 4 months ago, i was at her house and i saw this board covered in sad carcases of innocent native bystanders. i could almost hear their last minute dreams in the final seconds of their death screams. i couldn't believe this, what she had done. i guess i got over the massacre because i realize that this brings her much pleasure... suffocating bugs with isopropyl alcohol and then stabbing them with a pin onto a board for everyone to look at. whoa, its like jesus. pinned to a board for everyone to look at.
anyways. i actually did get over this... yes, i used to cry when people killed bugs and i think i actually made my childhood friends participate in a funeral for a bee... whatever. anyways.
"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings."
i sort of think she might be on to something...
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i sure do love this girl and her bugs. she is a jem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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anyways. i actually did get over this... yes, i used to cry when people killed bugs and i think i actually made my childhood friends participate in a funeral for a bee... whatever. anyways.
"The reason birds can fly and we can't is simply because they have perfect faith, for to have faith is to have wings."
i sort of think she might be on to something...
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i sure do love this girl and her bugs. she is a jem!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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I'm allergic to growing up.
hey so ya know how i was talking about Peter Pan. i woke up this morning and it was on tv. i cry every fucking time i watch that shit. no matter the version, i can't help my poor little self. its like, god, why can't we have it all? peter wants to be a kid forever and just fly around all willy nilly, but his heart aches for the love of a real family and a real life! "To love would be an awfully big adventure."
people should write their dissertation on this story. its really deep.
"You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! that is fucking ripping at my heart right there. if someone said that to me, i would just start bawling like a little, fat, poopy diapered baby.
"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it." seriously, that is advice anyone could use!
"Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."
i'm going to end it all... in a fish bowl filled with J.M. Barrie quotes and a gallon of Makers Mark. See you never.
people should write their dissertation on this story. its really deep.
"You know that place between sleeping and awake, that place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always think of you." ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!! that is fucking ripping at my heart right there. if someone said that to me, i would just start bawling like a little, fat, poopy diapered baby.
"Dreams do come true, if only we wish hard enough. You can have anything in life if you will sacrifice everything else for it." seriously, that is advice anyone could use!
"Never say goodbye because goodbye means going away and going away means forgetting."
i'm going to end it all... in a fish bowl filled with J.M. Barrie quotes and a gallon of Makers Mark. See you never.
"You move me to pity--you are so weak on this Earth made of granite"
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I could make dentist office posters with this kind of shit. fuck, who am I? Okay, fuck yourself. This was a great day at the beach with a friend who is actually not my friend. I mean, what is a friend? Who is this kid? good question. i could probably go to jail for taking this kids picture and then posting it on the Internet. his name is David Lepell and he is 7 years old, lives in Davenport, Ca. His parents thought that a dog was a good nanny and that is why he is at the beach, with this dog, talking about the best book that has ever been. I told his parents that they need to read Peter Pan... that dog just let those kids fly away... geez!
I want short breaths.
burrrrr. life can be so cold.
who wants to be an adult, anyways?
this is me... in a world that i don't want to understand. who fucking gives two rips about money, anyways.
I'm lost... looking for a place to get lost.
complicated. fuck. sometimes things get _____.
I know that things get complicated, even in the Canada. Been there, done that, loved it.
I would get complicated with anything Canadian.
Short breaths.
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short, short breaths.
When I was in Canada, I cried about how stunning I thought it was when the sun set into the deep blue. Thank you life, for the things that I have and more over, for the things that I don't have.
who wants to be an adult, anyways?
this is me... in a world that i don't want to understand. who fucking gives two rips about money, anyways.
I'm lost... looking for a place to get lost.
complicated. fuck. sometimes things get _____.
I would get complicated with anything Canadian.
Short breaths.
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When I was in Canada, I cried about how stunning I thought it was when the sun set into the deep blue. Thank you life, for the things that I have and more over, for the things that I don't have.
Friday, September 3, 2010
touch my buttons
yum yum yum. i would love to do all the things that i said i would do.
i love having strange men in my house.
i love telling people the same story, over and over.
i love touching buttons with a little bit of love.
Craig, your list is so luscious.
i love having strange men in my house.
i love telling people the same story, over and over.
i love touching buttons with a little bit of love.
Craig, your list is so luscious.
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
tea time in the tub with cannibals
i'm going to make a product line. tested on animals, made of animals. Cruel-to-the-T. i will make all the test animals wear Slim T's and i will feed the animals to the animals, like cannibals.
i have been in the tub for 3 hours now.
i have been in the tub for 3 hours now.
eat more drugs, learn, be a better person.
hey you dumb fucks... be a mushhead like me! science is blowing my mind, like all of the time!
i want to be a mycologist. or actually, i should say, i'm going to be a mycologist. not because i like to get high on mushrooms, no, its actually because i think fungi is really interesting.
i want to be a mycologist. or actually, i should say, i'm going to be a mycologist. not because i like to get high on mushrooms, no, its actually because i think fungi is really interesting.
yesterday, i woke up to a dozen roses, hot coffee and homemade breakfast (remember when i was talking about Dad=Rad...) and i have not been more excited to actually be awake. unfortunately, my bad attitude crept up on me, like how this nail fungus snuck up on this poor sap.
so we went on a walk in forest park to remedy this problem. i found at least 5 different species of fungi. one of which i can not identify. but never mind that. the morel (hahaha that's a mushhead joke, morel, moral, do you get it???????) is that i need nature in my life, like every fucking second. i sat in my lame house(which needs one more person in it (ie i need a fucking roommate)) filled with things that make me want to curl up in a pile of coarse woody debris to end it all, but then i saw all the coarse woody debris and i thought about how much i want to munch on mushrooms and make marry of my life.
fathers know best.
i'm going to move into forest park and mush out on my head... see you never.
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